my mom called me this morning...
"hello.. mike..."
she paused for a while
"hi inay, whats up?"
she didnt answer back for a few seconds
"whats wrong?"
i asked...
"inda lina had an heart attack this morning, shes gone na..."
she answered with a heavy feeling, sad emotion or something..
i couldnt answer, dont know what to say..
"mike, its ok to cry"
she knows me well..
i knew i couldnt feel anything that time... i got numb..but i felt cold..
inda lina was the only good thing happened to my mom.. shes the only inlaw that truly loved her..and stayed beside my mom when we have problems with my dad..
she had this strong personality, she could make a cow meow just staring at its balls..but she always asked for a gift from me every xmas..but i always end up giving her money and a hug..
a hug..
thats my way of sayin "thank you"..
for all the things she did, for staying beside my mom when no body is willing to, for telling me to be strong always..
always...
always...
but i guess not now..
right now im showing emotions,
sadness..
"mike, its ok to cry"
she knows me well..
"i am mom"
"i am crying.. "
i hate talkin bout her in past tense..
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
...
i dont drink.. dont like the taste, hate the feeling it gives and i just dont like it.. period..
but for the couple of weeks.. ive been drinking.. a beer or two a night.. and i started comparing bein drunk and bein high.. i still prefer the later..
beer always acompanied by probs, saddness, anger, questions..etc.. etc
emotions that is reality..
bein high is a state where everything is amplified..all emotions.. all senses..
when im high.. i can hear the bass of a downbeat or in a heavytrance,i can hear people talk, i can feel a slightest touch, i can see clearly wether its real or jus the acid in the pill.. this is felt all the same time..
but after this, i am fine...i come back to my reality..
im not sayin im escaping my reality.. i dont have any reason to..
why am i comapring the two? i dono..
but right now.. i need them both badly..
im an artist:
I don’t have hobbies, I have obsessions.
but for the couple of weeks.. ive been drinking.. a beer or two a night.. and i started comparing bein drunk and bein high.. i still prefer the later..
beer always acompanied by probs, saddness, anger, questions..etc.. etc
emotions that is reality..
bein high is a state where everything is amplified..all emotions.. all senses..
when im high.. i can hear the bass of a downbeat or in a heavytrance,i can hear people talk, i can feel a slightest touch, i can see clearly wether its real or jus the acid in the pill.. this is felt all the same time..
but after this, i am fine...i come back to my reality..
im not sayin im escaping my reality.. i dont have any reason to..
why am i comapring the two? i dono..
but right now.. i need them both badly..
im an artist:
I don’t have hobbies, I have obsessions.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
im not a sponge...
ok man.. explaining the business is ok with me, but pls dont ask how or what or even when will a person gets a bonus.. i know its important but the part of my brain that process those infos are kinda out of wack.. meaning!! i get the idea but give me a break.. rather give me more time to know the difference...
right now 15%x300+2%xwatever=x is just 15%x300+2%xwatever=x to me..no more no less
pleaseeeeeeeeeeee....the creative team is loaded and i need to finish things...
understand that im a visual person.. sometimes, analytical..i analyse things in a different manner without numbers...
so.. can you please explain it again..
right now 15%x300+2%xwatever=x is just 15%x300+2%xwatever=x to me..no more no less
pleaseeeeeeeeeeee....the creative team is loaded and i need to finish things...
understand that im a visual person.. sometimes, analytical..i analyse things in a different manner without numbers...
so.. can you please explain it again..
Friday, March 02, 2007
my personal meter
me·ter /ˈmitər/[mee-ter]–noun
an instrument for measuring, esp. one that automatically measures and records the quantity of something, as of gas, water, miles, or time, when it is activated.
my life has a meter, a happy meter. nice huh?...not really, its just here to make sure that i have a certain amount of happiness in my life.. a certain dose..
if i exceeded that dose.. it automatically send problems, situations, assholes and friggin stupid people to neutralise my happiness.. it usually send those things one at a time but this morning, i cant explain, but all was there this morning, saying good morning to my face with all their glory.
so im sorry if ill be mean, rude, be an ass or just a friggin bascket case today..i have a friggin happy meter up my ass.. so what do you expect?
an instrument for measuring, esp. one that automatically measures and records the quantity of something, as of gas, water, miles, or time, when it is activated.
my life has a meter, a happy meter. nice huh?...not really, its just here to make sure that i have a certain amount of happiness in my life.. a certain dose..
if i exceeded that dose.. it automatically send problems, situations, assholes and friggin stupid people to neutralise my happiness.. it usually send those things one at a time but this morning, i cant explain, but all was there this morning, saying good morning to my face with all their glory.
so im sorry if ill be mean, rude, be an ass or just a friggin bascket case today..i have a friggin happy meter up my ass.. so what do you expect?
Thursday, March 01, 2007
personality! smertsonality! im poised..
| Your Personality is Very Rare (ESTP) |
 Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 6% of all menYou are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving. |
http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/">How Rare Is Your Personality?
| Your Personality Is |
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. |
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Workplace Farting: Options Explored
Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking or a big lunch, the outcome is the same: Farts.
Seventy percent of the time, we can dispense freely. The other 30% of the time, such as at work, we have some tough decisions to make. This document is intended to help you in those decisions.
Holders - The obvious choice is just plain holding it in. A popular choice among the females and an almost impossible choice for males. I am not in favor of holding, as I believe the medical community has not done enough research about the long-term damage of holding. Really, where does it go if you hold it in? So be forewarned, using this tactic is to be done at your own risk.
Desk Jockey - When deciding to release right at your desk, one has many factors to consider:
- Do you have your own office? Feel free to fart at will risk free. After commencing, I highly recommend locking the door and feigning you are not in the office to avoid any unwanted visitors. I also highly recommend against spraying air freshener, as the smell of the freshener is a dead giveaway. Candles are a good alternative solution for the females.
- Are you seated at a cubicle or open desk? If so, one has to consider the proximity of the other workers and the density of workers in the area. If it is just you and one other person in the area, there is nowhere to place the blame. If others are fairly distant to you, the smell will dissipate by the time it reaches the others on all but the most egregious of days. There is always the chance of dispensing at higher decibels than anticipated due to the highly unstable nature of farts. In these most unfortunate situations, you will have to use cover up sounds such as scraping your heal on the floor. I recommend practicing making sounds covering a wide range of tones and pitches in anticipation of such an event. Dropping objects such as staplers, binders and tape may not produce a similar sound, but if done in rapid succession could distract others from the initial event.
Meetings: - Sometimes the urge strikes at the most inopportune time. Meetings and gas really do not mix. Releasing at a meeting is by far the trickiest of all the situations one could find oneself in. Although I am against holding in general, a meeting may be the time for it. It really depends if you have established baseline farts before the meeting. This will give you a sense of the decibel and scent level of what is to be expected. Warning: Do not ever use a meeting as the place to establish a baseline. Of course none of the above applies if you are meeting with vendors. You have free reign to do whatever you like.
Aisle Walker: - Releasing while walking around the office is a popular option. By the time the scent disseminates, you should be nowhere near the scene of the incident. The added benefit is that if the release is done at higher decibels than anticipated, you can break out into an all out sprint thereby fleeing the scene before others even look up to notice.
Broom Closet: - One option is to find a broom closet and release inside the closet. The only drawback is explaining why you were in the broom closet if you are caught entering or leaving the closet. I found stashing stationery supplies in the closet provides a nice excuse. People will love you for informing them about the backup stationery supply cabinet. Of course, you then have to find another closet, as your original place will become too risky.
And remember, if you're workplace has many open flames, you are on your own.
Seventy percent of the time, we can dispense freely. The other 30% of the time, such as at work, we have some tough decisions to make. This document is intended to help you in those decisions.
Holders - The obvious choice is just plain holding it in. A popular choice among the females and an almost impossible choice for males. I am not in favor of holding, as I believe the medical community has not done enough research about the long-term damage of holding. Really, where does it go if you hold it in? So be forewarned, using this tactic is to be done at your own risk.
Desk Jockey - When deciding to release right at your desk, one has many factors to consider:
- Do you have your own office? Feel free to fart at will risk free. After commencing, I highly recommend locking the door and feigning you are not in the office to avoid any unwanted visitors. I also highly recommend against spraying air freshener, as the smell of the freshener is a dead giveaway. Candles are a good alternative solution for the females.
- Are you seated at a cubicle or open desk? If so, one has to consider the proximity of the other workers and the density of workers in the area. If it is just you and one other person in the area, there is nowhere to place the blame. If others are fairly distant to you, the smell will dissipate by the time it reaches the others on all but the most egregious of days. There is always the chance of dispensing at higher decibels than anticipated due to the highly unstable nature of farts. In these most unfortunate situations, you will have to use cover up sounds such as scraping your heal on the floor. I recommend practicing making sounds covering a wide range of tones and pitches in anticipation of such an event. Dropping objects such as staplers, binders and tape may not produce a similar sound, but if done in rapid succession could distract others from the initial event.
Meetings: - Sometimes the urge strikes at the most inopportune time. Meetings and gas really do not mix. Releasing at a meeting is by far the trickiest of all the situations one could find oneself in. Although I am against holding in general, a meeting may be the time for it. It really depends if you have established baseline farts before the meeting. This will give you a sense of the decibel and scent level of what is to be expected. Warning: Do not ever use a meeting as the place to establish a baseline. Of course none of the above applies if you are meeting with vendors. You have free reign to do whatever you like.
Aisle Walker: - Releasing while walking around the office is a popular option. By the time the scent disseminates, you should be nowhere near the scene of the incident. The added benefit is that if the release is done at higher decibels than anticipated, you can break out into an all out sprint thereby fleeing the scene before others even look up to notice.
Broom Closet: - One option is to find a broom closet and release inside the closet. The only drawback is explaining why you were in the broom closet if you are caught entering or leaving the closet. I found stashing stationery supplies in the closet provides a nice excuse. People will love you for informing them about the backup stationery supply cabinet. Of course, you then have to find another closet, as your original place will become too risky.
And remember, if you're workplace has many open flames, you are on your own.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
tired
Maybe this lack of words, for my part, is merely a result of being Unequivocally, Simply and Truly Tired.
But, of what? I haven’t done anything and I’m already tired of nothing. I want passion. I want it back.
I remember what it was like to be in love. Not just with a girl. Though, certainly, I have loved several times and sometimes, all at the same time. I used to be able to fall in love with a lip-shaped smudge on the mirror. Or, a perfectly made paper airplane that glides and flips and floats and lands with ease on the pavement under the sweltering sun. Or, a mathematical proof that started out ugly with square roots and exponents and powers of two and ten and five and fractions that could make my mother cry, but ended quaintly and promptly at x being equal to y over a rainbow, or something like that. Or the sway of a woman’s hips as she walks across a garden, sweat on her upper lip and her nape, her blushing child at her hip, sucking on a lollipop and humming her lullabies to himself. Her skin, you just know, would be yellow and purple at the bone where her babe had been nestling since birth. But there is no pain, only the comforting ache of presence. So beautiful. A woman’s body is the map of the universe. It was made to make loving easy.
Nothing was so ugly that it couldn’t teach you to love.
But, of what? I haven’t done anything and I’m already tired of nothing. I want passion. I want it back.
I remember what it was like to be in love. Not just with a girl. Though, certainly, I have loved several times and sometimes, all at the same time. I used to be able to fall in love with a lip-shaped smudge on the mirror. Or, a perfectly made paper airplane that glides and flips and floats and lands with ease on the pavement under the sweltering sun. Or, a mathematical proof that started out ugly with square roots and exponents and powers of two and ten and five and fractions that could make my mother cry, but ended quaintly and promptly at x being equal to y over a rainbow, or something like that. Or the sway of a woman’s hips as she walks across a garden, sweat on her upper lip and her nape, her blushing child at her hip, sucking on a lollipop and humming her lullabies to himself. Her skin, you just know, would be yellow and purple at the bone where her babe had been nestling since birth. But there is no pain, only the comforting ache of presence. So beautiful. A woman’s body is the map of the universe. It was made to make loving easy.
Nothing was so ugly that it couldn’t teach you to love.
Monday, February 19, 2007
EVERYDAY UGLY
im really pissed right now..
F*CK YOU!!! CAN YOU PLEASEE MIND YOUR OWN FRIGGIN BUSINESS!!! IM DOIN MY JOB AND I KNOW I DO IT WELL!! SO STOP BOTHERING ME AND PLEASE TRY TO BE PRODUCTIVE!!!... DONT WASTE MY TIME WITH YOUR STUPID IDEAS!!! MAN, KIM MADE A MISTAKE HIRING YOU!! AND SHE ADMITTED IT!! EVERYDAY, I TRY TO ACCEPT MY EVERYDAY UGLY.. YOUR YOUR A BIG PART OF THAT.. I CAN ACCPET YOU AS A PERSON BUT NOT A FRIGGIN CO WORKER.. I HATE WORKING WITH YOU, I HAVENT HEARD ONE GOOD IDEA FROM YOU SINCE YOU CAME ON BOARD..YOUR JUNIORS ARE MORE EFFICIENT, MORE RELIABLE AND CREATIVE FOR THAT MATTER... WE HAD A CREATIVE BRAINSTORMING LAST MONTH BUT I DIDNT GET EVEN A DRIZZLE FROM YOU..PLEASE JUST ADMIT AND DONT PRETEND YOU KNOW..
AND PLEASE, THE NEXT TIME YOU'LLE GIVE ME A JO. DONT!! GIVE IT TO YOUR JUNIORS AND THEY'LL BE THE ONE WHO WILL EXPLAIN IT TO ME...COZ YOU DONT KNOW HOW!!
AND DONT YOU EVER QUESTION ME IF I CAN DO WHAT YOUR REQUESTING.. COZ YOU DONT HAVE THE FUCKIN RIGHT.. YOU CANT EVEN DO YOUR JOB..
AND LAST REQUEST... DONT EVER TALK TO ME ON MONDAYS AND EVRYTIME I COME-IN AT THE OFFICE IN THE MORNING.. DONT YOU NOTICE THAT I IGNORE AND PRETEND THAT YOUR NOT THERE?
PLEASEEEEE!!!!LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
steven
this is steven.
he is homeless.
he has the kindest most radiant soul you can imagine.
he loves seattle, LA and chicago.he dislikes san diego.he reads anne rice, adores michelangelo andlikes to visit museums.(he had me at michelangelo)
.he says most everyone is nice to himand only about 1 in 100 peopleare assholes.
that's not too shoddy.stories.sit down with someone like steveand swap stories.
it will change who you are.
~~~~~~~
it did for me
gift
got a nice gift from someone tiny, round and cute....
red said "daddy" na..
well i didnt hear it but his nanny told me...
before i left the house, i made him a bottle of milk, after drinking half of it.. he started talking.. not exact words but baby talk... and i started talkin back..
a conversation with my kid.. hhhmmmm.. felt really nice..
really nice
red said "daddy" na..
well i didnt hear it but his nanny told me...
before i left the house, i made him a bottle of milk, after drinking half of it.. he started talking.. not exact words but baby talk... and i started talkin back..
a conversation with my kid.. hhhmmmm.. felt really nice..
really nice
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
....
would you persue something yournot sure you gona get or have just because it felt right and you felt a love much stronger than anything in this world?...
you gona lose a big part of your soul by doin this..
would you?
i did.. and i lost not only a part of my soul but also 5 years of my life....
with all the pain felt...
all sad emotions showed..
all the dissapointments i gave to the people who love me coz of what i did..
every waking hours.. it felt like hell.. but colder..
this was accepted with open arms..
coz of one thing..
that smile
you gona lose a big part of your soul by doin this..
would you?
i did.. and i lost not only a part of my soul but also 5 years of my life....
with all the pain felt...
all sad emotions showed..
all the dissapointments i gave to the people who love me coz of what i did..
every waking hours.. it felt like hell.. but colder..
this was accepted with open arms..
coz of one thing..
that smile
Friday, February 09, 2007
i feel..
lately ive been in a depressed mood..in which i constatntly question things..myself, my life, my work, and my attitude towards everything and everyone..
this is my reality check..
i might get the answer or i may not..
but after this state.. im a new person..
but usally i dont..
hhmmmm.. but im getting use to this shit..
this is my reality check..
i might get the answer or i may not..
but after this state.. im a new person..
but usally i dont..
hhmmmm.. but im getting use to this shit..
Monday, February 05, 2007
forgotten..forgetting..
she was just the same age as he was..
when she smiles, a dimple below her left eye appears..
she was wearing a pendant.. silver and with a cross..
blue denim jeans, sneakers, a white blouse..
and that smile..
that smile will be the end of him..but hoping for a beginning..
people passes by.. his classmates, friends and even professors..
no one is more significant than that smile..
"are you allowed to have that long hair?" she asked..
"No, but im thinking of cutting it short.. what you think?"
asking if she aware of him.. or maybe intrested..
"hmm.. i dont mind the hair.. kinda gives an attitude or something..your an artist, you can get away with it.."
maybe she's tryin to be polite sayin those things... but man it did made his day..
"ok"
an answer with a smile.. but with that smile, he prayed he dont have any thing stuck in his teeth..
"so your boyfriend is taking up what course?"
a question meant to know if she has one or a chance to go on the second notch and let her know that it was not the last day she gona see him..
"Business management, we're in the same school...."
heaven and earth fell upon him, the ground swallowed him whole..
"wow, nice, cool"
stupid answer..
but he forgot, he was a personal joke of fate..
"but im thinking of breaking up with him...maybe this school year" she told him with a sad face..
"sorry to hear that, maybe you should give him a chance"
he nearly slap his face and shout coz of all the things he can say, why the hell he ask for that friggin idiot to have another chance with the girl of his dream..
"nevermind, lets not talk bout that.. wana have a snack?" he quickly changed topic...
"sure, your treat..."
thank God for tuition money..
when she smiles, a dimple below her left eye appears..
she was wearing a pendant.. silver and with a cross..
blue denim jeans, sneakers, a white blouse..
and that smile..
that smile will be the end of him..but hoping for a beginning..
people passes by.. his classmates, friends and even professors..
no one is more significant than that smile..
"are you allowed to have that long hair?" she asked..
"No, but im thinking of cutting it short.. what you think?"
asking if she aware of him.. or maybe intrested..
"hmm.. i dont mind the hair.. kinda gives an attitude or something..your an artist, you can get away with it.."
maybe she's tryin to be polite sayin those things... but man it did made his day..
"ok"
an answer with a smile.. but with that smile, he prayed he dont have any thing stuck in his teeth..
"so your boyfriend is taking up what course?"
a question meant to know if she has one or a chance to go on the second notch and let her know that it was not the last day she gona see him..
"Business management, we're in the same school...."
heaven and earth fell upon him, the ground swallowed him whole..
"wow, nice, cool"
stupid answer..
but he forgot, he was a personal joke of fate..
"but im thinking of breaking up with him...maybe this school year" she told him with a sad face..
"sorry to hear that, maybe you should give him a chance"
he nearly slap his face and shout coz of all the things he can say, why the hell he ask for that friggin idiot to have another chance with the girl of his dream..
"nevermind, lets not talk bout that.. wana have a snack?" he quickly changed topic...
"sure, your treat..."
thank God for tuition money..
Thursday, February 01, 2007
forgotten..
maybe not..
she made me like this..
i dont mind learning to feel pain at an early age, i dont mind ruining my life coz i fell hard, i dont mind bein alone..
but i do deny things i cant control.
i wish you were rude to me.. but you talked to me for an hour..
i wish you didnt smile at me.. but you laughed like a child to my silly and corny jokes..
i wish you're ugly.. but your skin.. pale,white, angelic...
i wish you didnt hold my hand inside the elevator coz you got scared coz its old and noisy.. but your hand felt as if you knew me and you trusted me..
that was the first time i really loved someone.. but all i know bout you is your name and you are a friend of a friend..
i dont think you noticed that you took something..
my soul..
########
he always wakes up early..openning his mom's furniture shop..didnt mind lifting things.. sofas, chairs, beds and tables.... thats his workout..or maybe just earning his keeps.. after that, he went upstairs and got ready for his enrollment.. 2nd year now.. Bachelor of Fine Arts majoring in Advertising.. he love what he was takin, not his first choice but he find peace and expression doin stuff..
he always wear his old torned pair of jeans.. white shirts and sandals.. he belonged to a group of student who had their hair grew long.. 5'10" 150lbs, fair skin.. people always stare at him.. looking.. thinking.. admiring? he doesnt care..
theres no traffic, the commute was fast.. got too early..he headed straight to his building..
took the stairs coz the old slow dirty box they so called elevator was out of order again.. half the school year it was..
7 floors.. 3 mins he took to reach his room..
the first thing he saw was two girls talking.. one was familliar and one was a face smilling..
he said hi..and she responded with a grin.. he was suprised.. was so cute.. he pulled a chair and started askin stuff but always trying to find words.. hes not really a talker.. he always prefer silence but that time he wants to converse, listen, ask and joke..
he felt nice..
his friend ask if he doesnt mind staying with deenah for a moment..she'll just enroll and be back after an hour.. he answered with a smile and thought that it wouldnt hurt to enroll the next day..
life was gettin better.. he thougth..
she made me like this..
i dont mind learning to feel pain at an early age, i dont mind ruining my life coz i fell hard, i dont mind bein alone..
but i do deny things i cant control.
i wish you were rude to me.. but you talked to me for an hour..
i wish you didnt smile at me.. but you laughed like a child to my silly and corny jokes..
i wish you're ugly.. but your skin.. pale,white, angelic...
i wish you didnt hold my hand inside the elevator coz you got scared coz its old and noisy.. but your hand felt as if you knew me and you trusted me..
that was the first time i really loved someone.. but all i know bout you is your name and you are a friend of a friend..
i dont think you noticed that you took something..
my soul..
########
he always wakes up early..openning his mom's furniture shop..didnt mind lifting things.. sofas, chairs, beds and tables.... thats his workout..or maybe just earning his keeps.. after that, he went upstairs and got ready for his enrollment.. 2nd year now.. Bachelor of Fine Arts majoring in Advertising.. he love what he was takin, not his first choice but he find peace and expression doin stuff..
he always wear his old torned pair of jeans.. white shirts and sandals.. he belonged to a group of student who had their hair grew long.. 5'10" 150lbs, fair skin.. people always stare at him.. looking.. thinking.. admiring? he doesnt care..
theres no traffic, the commute was fast.. got too early..he headed straight to his building..
took the stairs coz the old slow dirty box they so called elevator was out of order again.. half the school year it was..
7 floors.. 3 mins he took to reach his room..
the first thing he saw was two girls talking.. one was familliar and one was a face smilling..
he said hi..and she responded with a grin.. he was suprised.. was so cute.. he pulled a chair and started askin stuff but always trying to find words.. hes not really a talker.. he always prefer silence but that time he wants to converse, listen, ask and joke..
he felt nice..
his friend ask if he doesnt mind staying with deenah for a moment..she'll just enroll and be back after an hour.. he answered with a smile and thought that it wouldnt hurt to enroll the next day..
life was gettin better.. he thougth..
Monday, January 22, 2007
listen to my mind
i am calm today..
got in at 7:30 and did some personal things..
weekend was still a working day for me..
my mind is out right now.. just stepped outside
still thinking of getting a canon camera...
looking for diane arbus's work..
im gona accept my everyday ugly..
why am i writing like this..
when your dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardess part..
Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship, never..
Call me what you want, but I sincerely refuse to believe that 'no' is not the answer
my words are cold and flat.. you deserve more...
Like somehow, you weren’t meant to win this game...
Being a sentimental, optimistic, bastard can work both ways. ..
"sometimes the last thing you want come's in first.. sometimes..the first thing you want never comes.. but i know waiting is all that i can do.."
i just dont know when to stop.
got in at 7:30 and did some personal things..
weekend was still a working day for me..
my mind is out right now.. just stepped outside
still thinking of getting a canon camera...
looking for diane arbus's work..
im gona accept my everyday ugly..
why am i writing like this..
when your dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardess part..
Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship, never..
Call me what you want, but I sincerely refuse to believe that 'no' is not the answer
my words are cold and flat.. you deserve more...
Like somehow, you weren’t meant to win this game...
Being a sentimental, optimistic, bastard can work both ways. ..
"sometimes the last thing you want come's in first.. sometimes..the first thing you want never comes.. but i know waiting is all that i can do.."
i just dont know when to stop.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
peace man!
stress is a state of mind...
pressure is a state you need to be in, to be good on what you are doin...
just a thought.....
I have words to say to you my friend..Is it hard to know what’s right from wrong...Have you ever felt your life so self assured..You don’t know the things that you’ve done wrong
And then we’ll say..We’ll rip out our covers..Shake the walls until they break..I’ll hold out my hand to you..
Supreme love and respect
Peace man!
pressure is a state you need to be in, to be good on what you are doin...
just a thought.....
I have words to say to you my friend..Is it hard to know what’s right from wrong...Have you ever felt your life so self assured..You don’t know the things that you’ve done wrong
And then we’ll say..We’ll rip out our covers..Shake the walls until they break..I’ll hold out my hand to you..
Supreme love and respect
Peace man!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
above ground
actually i stopped looking for it halfway of the year but i guess i wasnt expecting it to be that great..
i found my high..
i thought it was just stories of occasional addicts trippin.. seein things, dead people or things floating..
i saw things that would scare people..
usually im the last one to get hit by it..i see them transform into something happy, weightless, droopy eyed, huggable people..it always makes me smile..
always have my own corner of the room... near the bass speakers.. if people comes to my domain and ask for a hug and start sayin they miss me, then i know their above ground na..
they like to hug me..
i dono why.. but i guess mine is a real hug from a big guy :)..
"you dont listen to trance, you feel it"
the drop was diff.. a lot diff from the past... it was makin me heavy.. havent felt that..this one didnt let me stand up.. i was just sitting there.. breathing heavy cold air.. the air is full of mint..
i feel every inhale exhale..
now i have my hit..
i slowy lay down..
then someone laid beside me..i can feel a soft skin..it was nice.. then hug came next..
"nice to see you mike, i miss you alot"
i responded with a smile and strange look.. i was hopin its not a man.. but thank god it was my friend..
she always dances with me.. i let her hair sway and touched my face when we dance..
but this time we just lay there and laughed..i know we were talkin bout i dont know what..
i was holding her hand and squeesing it..she was usin my arm as a pillow..
then someone greeted me and shooked my hand..
and asked if he could light up..
then he started to disappear into the dark and appeared 2light glows.. one is red and another was blue..
i call him firefly..
he started dancing.. thats his trip.. thats his high..
havent seen him for 5 months.. i just know he went to the states..
his light show improved alot.. it helped withthe high.. but his "wari" made the drop smooth..
so many thing happend that night..i really dont know if time was too slow or too damn fast for me..
my peek came 30mins after..
damn i was alone.. but i see people.. with changing faces.. thick eyebrows.., long eye lashes.. no droopy eyed happy people.. just scary looking shit..
but it was the same old cast of clowns who dropped with me..
im in a room of melted things.. the lamp shade is all wiggly.. the light fixtures turned into large insect..
im in the mind of a surreal artist..
hoped it was Dali's
i was talkin gibbirish.. im describing what im seein to her and she was smilling..
but she told me i was scaring her.. then i stopped..
i went to the dinning room but i saw angels and a demon..
my angels dont have halos or wings.. they have square auras..
my demon was 10ft tall. large shoulder and turns into something much beautifull than my angels..
and made me smile again...
i just watched them..for a minute or two..maybe longer..
i was feeling the high was droppin so i went back in the room..
she was dancing alone.. wearing a black long sleeves and jeans.. i just watched her.. she looked and asked me to standup but i still cant..
im still seein things.. she's not the pretty mestiza i know na.. she's more angelic..her white skin is more whiter as if it was glowing..she's got a shoulder lenght hair but i saw long curled hair..i couldnt look no more so i turned by back ..
damn i still saw the insects..
it was 4am.. need to come down.. i washed my face with cold water.. it helped a little
rested for a bit..talked to my friends till 6.. and went home at 7am..
she hugged me before goin home..
and i shooked the hand of her husband before leaving..
damn pill have a high acid content..
NICE!!!
happines is free when you lose your mind.
i found my high..
i thought it was just stories of occasional addicts trippin.. seein things, dead people or things floating..
i saw things that would scare people..
usually im the last one to get hit by it..i see them transform into something happy, weightless, droopy eyed, huggable people..it always makes me smile..
always have my own corner of the room... near the bass speakers.. if people comes to my domain and ask for a hug and start sayin they miss me, then i know their above ground na..
they like to hug me..
i dono why.. but i guess mine is a real hug from a big guy :)..
"you dont listen to trance, you feel it"
the drop was diff.. a lot diff from the past... it was makin me heavy.. havent felt that..this one didnt let me stand up.. i was just sitting there.. breathing heavy cold air.. the air is full of mint..
i feel every inhale exhale..
now i have my hit..
i slowy lay down..
then someone laid beside me..i can feel a soft skin..it was nice.. then hug came next..
"nice to see you mike, i miss you alot"
i responded with a smile and strange look.. i was hopin its not a man.. but thank god it was my friend..
she always dances with me.. i let her hair sway and touched my face when we dance..
but this time we just lay there and laughed..i know we were talkin bout i dont know what..
i was holding her hand and squeesing it..she was usin my arm as a pillow..
then someone greeted me and shooked my hand..
and asked if he could light up..
then he started to disappear into the dark and appeared 2light glows.. one is red and another was blue..
i call him firefly..
he started dancing.. thats his trip.. thats his high..
havent seen him for 5 months.. i just know he went to the states..
his light show improved alot.. it helped withthe high.. but his "wari" made the drop smooth..
so many thing happend that night..i really dont know if time was too slow or too damn fast for me..
my peek came 30mins after..
damn i was alone.. but i see people.. with changing faces.. thick eyebrows.., long eye lashes.. no droopy eyed happy people.. just scary looking shit..
but it was the same old cast of clowns who dropped with me..
im in a room of melted things.. the lamp shade is all wiggly.. the light fixtures turned into large insect..
im in the mind of a surreal artist..
hoped it was Dali's
i was talkin gibbirish.. im describing what im seein to her and she was smilling..
but she told me i was scaring her.. then i stopped..
i went to the dinning room but i saw angels and a demon..
my angels dont have halos or wings.. they have square auras..
my demon was 10ft tall. large shoulder and turns into something much beautifull than my angels..
and made me smile again...
i just watched them..for a minute or two..maybe longer..
i was feeling the high was droppin so i went back in the room..
she was dancing alone.. wearing a black long sleeves and jeans.. i just watched her.. she looked and asked me to standup but i still cant..
im still seein things.. she's not the pretty mestiza i know na.. she's more angelic..her white skin is more whiter as if it was glowing..she's got a shoulder lenght hair but i saw long curled hair..i couldnt look no more so i turned by back ..
damn i still saw the insects..
it was 4am.. need to come down.. i washed my face with cold water.. it helped a little
rested for a bit..talked to my friends till 6.. and went home at 7am..
she hugged me before goin home..
and i shooked the hand of her husband before leaving..
damn pill have a high acid content..
NICE!!!
happines is free when you lose your mind.
Monday, December 18, 2006
left over chickens
A month ago my wife and i decided to get two maids.. one for the house and one for red, to be his nanny.. when i got home i didnt expect the two were to be 18yr olds.. but they look old.. thin and kinda shy.. at first i really dont like them.. i tried askin Dj to ask for replacements.. i dont want red to be left alone with them maybe because i dont know if they can handle him..and to be honest i dont like their skins.. but dj asked me to give them a chance, and i said ok..
i went to the grocery and bought them things.. for personal use like facial wash, mouth wash and stuff..i even got them a dentist and doctor's appointment.. im spending money here na.. i dono why and i dont want to ask..
a week just passed.. first day i talked to them and i made the other one cry.. i just said that whoever would be the nanny will have a great responsibility..in other words if something happens to Red..(God forbid)i will unleash hell upon them.. but hey.. who wants those things to happen naman..
now the nanny is getting good handling red.. but still i need to get a doc's apointment and xray.. just to be sure.. but my burden is this... the helper who handles the house..i really dont know whats her problem but almost everyday she has a booboo..im tryin to understand, im tryin not to get mad, but its hard for me coz at the end of the day my life is better withouth her.. im the one who's udjusting..
her story, my burden
i call her JO... i really dont know her real name but her mom was the classmate of my wife's aunt in the province..so anyway.. she has 7 sibblings, shes the middle child..didnt finish school coz of obvious reason.. they dont have money, even for food...they have a weekly budget of 100 pesos.. same amount as my taxi fare everyday goin to work...she told me once, that they usually look for food at the garbage cans of fast food chains.. then they re-fry anything they find.. they are poorer than the poor..dont want to get into details what they do to eat or sometimes they dont eat at all..the youngest of the children is one year old..older than red by six months.. i cant imagine red in that situation...so im having a hard time to ask her to leave..i know she's helping her family..she even told me she's gona save money and buy her little sisters and brother toys for christmas..honestly im willing to help her..but her work or how he handles the house chores is kinda bad and i didnt expect that from her coz she worked na as a maid... ive already talked to her dozen of times, and everytime she cries..
last nite. i got mad coz of something kinda serious happend.. and i asked her to leave my house first thing in the morning... but i guess.. she really is my burden now..my test..the things she is doin wrong is not intentional but lack of something else... i called her up and asked her to stay and she told me she's sorry and will not do the samething again..im tryin to accept her now.. im the one whos is tryin to understand.. willing to adjust.. willing to ahve a mild stroke evrytime she do things but the most important here for me is ...
she is saving money to buy toys for her sisters and brothers for xmas and bring a decent meal for her family on xmas day..
i can live with my burden..
my life is better now.. still same old problems..
but hey, i can still smile and
give life a*finger
i went to the grocery and bought them things.. for personal use like facial wash, mouth wash and stuff..i even got them a dentist and doctor's appointment.. im spending money here na.. i dono why and i dont want to ask..
a week just passed.. first day i talked to them and i made the other one cry.. i just said that whoever would be the nanny will have a great responsibility..in other words if something happens to Red..(God forbid)i will unleash hell upon them.. but hey.. who wants those things to happen naman..
now the nanny is getting good handling red.. but still i need to get a doc's apointment and xray.. just to be sure.. but my burden is this... the helper who handles the house..i really dont know whats her problem but almost everyday she has a booboo..im tryin to understand, im tryin not to get mad, but its hard for me coz at the end of the day my life is better withouth her.. im the one who's udjusting..
her story, my burden
i call her JO... i really dont know her real name but her mom was the classmate of my wife's aunt in the province..so anyway.. she has 7 sibblings, shes the middle child..didnt finish school coz of obvious reason.. they dont have money, even for food...they have a weekly budget of 100 pesos.. same amount as my taxi fare everyday goin to work...she told me once, that they usually look for food at the garbage cans of fast food chains.. then they re-fry anything they find.. they are poorer than the poor..dont want to get into details what they do to eat or sometimes they dont eat at all..the youngest of the children is one year old..older than red by six months.. i cant imagine red in that situation...so im having a hard time to ask her to leave..i know she's helping her family..she even told me she's gona save money and buy her little sisters and brother toys for christmas..honestly im willing to help her..but her work or how he handles the house chores is kinda bad and i didnt expect that from her coz she worked na as a maid... ive already talked to her dozen of times, and everytime she cries..
last nite. i got mad coz of something kinda serious happend.. and i asked her to leave my house first thing in the morning... but i guess.. she really is my burden now..my test..the things she is doin wrong is not intentional but lack of something else... i called her up and asked her to stay and she told me she's sorry and will not do the samething again..im tryin to accept her now.. im the one whos is tryin to understand.. willing to adjust.. willing to ahve a mild stroke evrytime she do things but the most important here for me is ...
she is saving money to buy toys for her sisters and brothers for xmas and bring a decent meal for her family on xmas day..
i can live with my burden..
my life is better now.. still same old problems..
but hey, i can still smile and
give life a*finger
Saturday, December 16, 2006
RED is the color of my life today..
wrote this less than a year ago..
***
HOPE
Fri Jan 27, 2006, 5:00 PM
...its been too long.. havent post anything in awhile..anything new?? yeah i'm gonna be a (daddy)tatay na...i thought it was gonna be easy making that little bugger..but hell no..even with practice, couldnt make it right..it took us 3 years..dont wana go into details but we did everything..from the positions, billings, rhythm, natural, etc etc..oh except ubando and st claire..it was a nice christmas gift for the family..especially to my family..my dad cried.. my mom prayed..me?? i just sat there in the office and cried for a while.i was happy really happy but got scared..really dont know why but it felt scary..i just realized then that we decided not to make the baby and just save and go to australia..so he/she is an accident.. a happy one..
after 7weeks of bein happy..
reality sets in..
dj was confined in the hospital for bleeding/spotting..the pregnancy was nearly aborted coz of that..every minute i was nearly breaking down seeing her like that..i couldnt do anything but to be there.. i let her cry once in a while just to make her feel better..now she doing fine, we're home na..having the same problems but now we know what to do.. same problems, same emotions, same hope, same people helping and same prayer
.....praying for a faith like a child.***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW
its never been better.. my life.. anything new? yah.. got a great xmas gift.. he's round,chubby, he has lots of hair on top..less on the side..farts like hell..and unleashes it when he shits.. smiles like an angel..like a devil when he is hungry..he wakes up round 1am..ask for milk.. 3am cries for milk.. 5am wakes up and starts makin noises..if im lucky he will drool and make poopoo..
my RED..
he is six months now..
the first month was hard emotionaly and financially draining.. but God provides and mother-in-law's pays the bills.. so i owe my mom-in-law a big amount of money....thats why im teaching red to say "LOLA MOMMY" first.. you get what i mean..
now.. my reality is this...
life will be harder, i need to be strong for him, life will be harsh.. sooner or later i will see him get hurt..
he fell once.. i was calm but trembling.. compose but worried shit.. dont want to feel that again.. hope not sooner..
i will teach him not to be shy to open doors for women...teach him to respect them, listen to them, try to understand them and always compliment them..
he will not say "ilove you" to a woman..
but rather
'I adore you'
********
this i promise..
he will never feel unwanted, neglected and not loved..
***
HOPE
Fri Jan 27, 2006, 5:00 PM
...its been too long.. havent post anything in awhile..anything new?? yeah i'm gonna be a (daddy)tatay na...i thought it was gonna be easy making that little bugger..but hell no..even with practice, couldnt make it right..it took us 3 years..dont wana go into details but we did everything..from the positions, billings, rhythm, natural, etc etc..oh except ubando and st claire..it was a nice christmas gift for the family..especially to my family..my dad cried.. my mom prayed..me?? i just sat there in the office and cried for a while.i was happy really happy but got scared..really dont know why but it felt scary..i just realized then that we decided not to make the baby and just save and go to australia..so he/she is an accident.. a happy one..
after 7weeks of bein happy..
reality sets in..
dj was confined in the hospital for bleeding/spotting..the pregnancy was nearly aborted coz of that..every minute i was nearly breaking down seeing her like that..i couldnt do anything but to be there.. i let her cry once in a while just to make her feel better..now she doing fine, we're home na..having the same problems but now we know what to do.. same problems, same emotions, same hope, same people helping and same prayer
.....praying for a faith like a child.***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW
its never been better.. my life.. anything new? yah.. got a great xmas gift.. he's round,chubby, he has lots of hair on top..less on the side..farts like hell..and unleashes it when he shits.. smiles like an angel..like a devil when he is hungry..he wakes up round 1am..ask for milk.. 3am cries for milk.. 5am wakes up and starts makin noises..if im lucky he will drool and make poopoo..
my RED..
he is six months now..
the first month was hard emotionaly and financially draining.. but God provides and mother-in-law's pays the bills.. so i owe my mom-in-law a big amount of money....thats why im teaching red to say "LOLA MOMMY" first.. you get what i mean..
now.. my reality is this...
life will be harder, i need to be strong for him, life will be harsh.. sooner or later i will see him get hurt..
he fell once.. i was calm but trembling.. compose but worried shit.. dont want to feel that again.. hope not sooner..
i will teach him not to be shy to open doors for women...teach him to respect them, listen to them, try to understand them and always compliment them..
he will not say "ilove you" to a woman..
but rather
'I adore you'
********
this i promise..
he will never feel unwanted, neglected and not loved..
why?
why cant i write when im happy?
why is it relative for me?..
sadness and writing..
i guess im happy today..
bye
why is it relative for me?..
sadness and writing..
i guess im happy today..
bye
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