left over chickens

A month ago my wife and i decided to get two maids.. one for the house and one for red, to be his nanny.. when i got home i didnt expect the two were to be 18yr olds.. but they look old.. thin and kinda shy.. at first i really dont like them.. i tried askin Dj to ask for replacements.. i dont want red to be left alone with them maybe because i dont know if they can handle him..and to be honest i dont like their skins.. but dj asked me to give them a chance, and i said ok..

i went to the grocery and bought them things.. for personal use like facial wash, mouth wash and stuff..i even got them a dentist and doctor's appointment.. im spending money here na.. i dono why and i dont want to ask..

a week just passed.. first day i talked to them and i made the other one cry.. i just said that whoever would be the nanny will have a great responsibility..in other words if something happens to Red..(God forbid)i will unleash hell upon them.. but hey.. who wants those things to happen naman..

now the nanny is getting good handling red.. but still i need to get a doc's apointment and xray.. just to be sure.. but my burden is this... the helper who handles the house..i really dont know whats her problem but almost everyday she has a booboo..im tryin to understand, im tryin not to get mad, but its hard for me coz at the end of the day my life is better withouth her.. im the one who's udjusting..

her story, my burden
i call her JO... i really dont know her real name but her mom was the classmate of my wife's aunt in the province..so anyway.. she has 7 sibblings, shes the middle child..didnt finish school coz of obvious reason.. they dont have money, even for food...they have a weekly budget of 100 pesos.. same amount as my taxi fare everyday goin to work...she told me once, that they usually look for food at the garbage cans of fast food chains.. then they re-fry anything they find.. they are poorer than the poor..dont want to get into details what they do to eat or sometimes they dont eat at all..the youngest of the children is one year old..older than red by six months.. i cant imagine red in that situation...so im having a hard time to ask her to leave..i know she's helping her family..she even told me she's gona save money and buy her little sisters and brother toys for christmas..honestly im willing to help her..but her work or how he handles the house chores is kinda bad and i didnt expect that from her coz she worked na as a maid... ive already talked to her dozen of times, and everytime she cries..

last nite. i got mad coz of something kinda serious happend.. and i asked her to leave my house first thing in the morning... but i guess.. she really is my burden now..my test..the things she is doin wrong is not intentional but lack of something else... i called her up and asked her to stay and she told me she's sorry and will not do the samething again..im tryin to accept her now.. im the one whos is tryin to understand.. willing to adjust.. willing to ahve a mild stroke evrytime she do things but the most important here for me is ...

she is saving money to buy toys for her sisters and brothers for xmas and bring a decent meal for her family on xmas day..

i can live with my burden..


my life is better now.. still same old problems..
but hey, i can still smile and

give life a*finger

RED is the color of my life today..

wrote this less than a year ago..

***
HOPE
Fri Jan 27, 2006, 5:00 PM

...its been too long.. havent post anything in awhile..anything new?? yeah i'm gonna be a (daddy)tatay na...i thought it was gonna be easy making that little bugger..but hell no..even with practice, couldnt make it right..it took us 3 years..dont wana go into details but we did everything..from the positions, billings, rhythm, natural, etc etc..oh except ubando and st claire..it was a nice christmas gift for the family..especially to my family..my dad cried.. my mom prayed..me?? i just sat there in the office and cried for a while.i was happy really happy but got scared..really dont know why but it felt scary..i just realized then that we decided not to make the baby and just save and go to australia..so he/she is an accident.. a happy one..

after 7weeks of bein happy..

reality sets in..

dj was confined in the hospital for bleeding/spotting..the pregnancy was nearly aborted coz of that..every minute i was nearly breaking down seeing her like that..i couldnt do anything but to be there.. i let her cry once in a while just to make her feel better..now she doing fine, we're home na..having the same problems but now we know what to do.. same problems, same emotions, same hope, same people helping and same prayer

.....praying for a faith like a child.***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOW

its never been better.. my life.. anything new? yah.. got a great xmas gift.. he's round,chubby, he has lots of hair on top..less on the side..farts like hell..and unleashes it when he shits.. smiles like an angel..like a devil when he is hungry..he wakes up round 1am..ask for milk.. 3am cries for milk.. 5am wakes up and starts makin noises..if im lucky he will drool and make poopoo..

my RED..

he is six months now..

the first month was hard emotionaly and financially draining.. but God provides and mother-in-law's pays the bills.. so i owe my mom-in-law a big amount of money....thats why im teaching red to say "LOLA MOMMY" first.. you get what i mean..

now.. my reality is this...

life will be harder, i need to be strong for him, life will be harsh.. sooner or later i will see him get hurt..

he fell once.. i was calm but trembling.. compose but worried shit.. dont want to feel that again.. hope not sooner..

i will teach him not to be shy to open doors for women...teach him to respect them, listen to them, try to understand them and always compliment them..

he will not say "ilove you" to a woman..

but rather


'I adore you'

********






this i promise..
he will never feel unwanted, neglected and not loved..

why?

why cant i write when im happy?

why is it relative for me?..


sadness and writing..


i guess im happy today..

bye

a simple look

No one ever saw me like you do..All the things that I could up to I never knew just what a smile was worth...But your eyes say everything without a single word...'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me...It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece....You made me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be...I never know what you see...But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

dont know how or why I feel different in your eyes..All I know is it happens everytime

brooms,apples and a taxi driver

"it doesnt feel like its christmas"

i guess the taxi driver was right..i couldnt feel anything thats "christmasy"..


i hate this..

*************
when i was little. my family doesnt have much.. we were poor.. my dad worked for a printing press as an operator and my mom is just a plain housewife..sometimes sweep the floor of a furniture shop, just to have money to buy some food..(broke my heart when she told me that story) and she took care of us 3 very well.

the first one is named nikkie.. a hyper active kid..always running around and doesnt care if he fell and have bruises all over..he just want to play all day..but now he has a girlfriend whos head over heels for him..looks like an actres, a mestisa..

i still really dont get it why that happened..

im the middle child, i started talkin late.. my mom always see me sitting and starring at something.. they thought i was autistic or something..i think its was funny.. i just want to be quite i guess..they even tried letting me eat a part of a pig that doesnt quiet appealling to a kid..but it worked..

thats what they say..

the third is a girl who like hair clips..a pog nose kid..and alway wants to be carried..her name is colleen.. now she's 5'8"..

carrying a responsibility handed by no one and doin a fine job..

christmas was always fun to us back then..we can eat apples and ham all day, and have some chocolates after..i remember, we have this xmas tree made of strings and sometimes made of brooms or a tall indoor plant..decorated with candies and drawings i did..

christmas was really felt back then..just with the smell of apples and cold morning air..

but now.. a driver reminded me that i lost something important..

something im tryin to figure out what..

im sure red will make me see it..



I wouldn't say I'm mad about the rain
But we'll get through it anyway
We'll get back to the start again