RED is the color of my life today..

wrote this less than a year ago..

***
HOPE
Fri Jan 27, 2006, 5:00 PM

...its been too long.. havent post anything in awhile..anything new?? yeah i'm gonna be a (daddy)tatay na...i thought it was gonna be easy making that little bugger..but hell no..even with practice, couldnt make it right..it took us 3 years..dont wana go into details but we did everything..from the positions, billings, rhythm, natural, etc etc..oh except ubando and st claire..it was a nice christmas gift for the family..especially to my family..my dad cried.. my mom prayed..me?? i just sat there in the office and cried for a while.i was happy really happy but got scared..really dont know why but it felt scary..i just realized then that we decided not to make the baby and just save and go to australia..so he/she is an accident.. a happy one..

after 7weeks of bein happy..

reality sets in..

dj was confined in the hospital for bleeding/spotting..the pregnancy was nearly aborted coz of that..every minute i was nearly breaking down seeing her like that..i couldnt do anything but to be there.. i let her cry once in a while just to make her feel better..now she doing fine, we're home na..having the same problems but now we know what to do.. same problems, same emotions, same hope, same people helping and same prayer

.....praying for a faith like a child.***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOW

its never been better.. my life.. anything new? yah.. got a great xmas gift.. he's round,chubby, he has lots of hair on top..less on the side..farts like hell..and unleashes it when he shits.. smiles like an angel..like a devil when he is hungry..he wakes up round 1am..ask for milk.. 3am cries for milk.. 5am wakes up and starts makin noises..if im lucky he will drool and make poopoo..

my RED..

he is six months now..

the first month was hard emotionaly and financially draining.. but God provides and mother-in-law's pays the bills.. so i owe my mom-in-law a big amount of money....thats why im teaching red to say "LOLA MOMMY" first.. you get what i mean..

now.. my reality is this...

life will be harder, i need to be strong for him, life will be harsh.. sooner or later i will see him get hurt..

he fell once.. i was calm but trembling.. compose but worried shit.. dont want to feel that again.. hope not sooner..

i will teach him not to be shy to open doors for women...teach him to respect them, listen to them, try to understand them and always compliment them..

he will not say "ilove you" to a woman..

but rather


'I adore you'

********






this i promise..
he will never feel unwanted, neglected and not loved..