..

my mom called me this morning...

"hello.. mike..."
she paused for a while

"hi inay, whats up?"

she didnt answer back for a few seconds


"whats wrong?"
i asked...

"inda lina had an heart attack this morning, shes gone na..."
she answered with a heavy feeling, sad emotion or something..


i couldnt answer, dont know what to say..

"mike, its ok to cry"
she knows me well..

i knew i couldnt feel anything that time... i got numb..but i felt cold..

inda lina was the only good thing happened to my mom.. shes the only inlaw that truly loved her..and stayed beside my mom when we have problems with my dad..

she had this strong personality, she could make a cow meow just staring at its balls..but she always asked for a gift from me every xmas..but i always end up giving her money and a hug..

a hug..

thats my way of sayin "thank you"..

for all the things she did, for staying beside my mom when no body is willing to, for telling me to be strong always..

always...

always...

but i guess not now..

right now im showing emotions,

sadness..

"mike, its ok to cry"
she knows me well..


"i am mom"


"i am crying.. "




i hate talkin bout her in past tense..

...

i dont drink.. dont like the taste, hate the feeling it gives and i just dont like it.. period..

but for the couple of weeks.. ive been drinking.. a beer or two a night.. and i started comparing bein drunk and bein high.. i still prefer the later..

beer always acompanied by probs, saddness, anger, questions..etc.. etc

emotions that is reality..

bein high is a state where everything is amplified..all emotions.. all senses..

when im high.. i can hear the bass of a downbeat or in a heavytrance,i can hear people talk, i can feel a slightest touch, i can see clearly wether its real or jus the acid in the pill.. this is felt all the same time..
but after this, i am fine...i come back to my reality..

im not sayin im escaping my reality.. i dont have any reason to..

why am i comapring the two? i dono..

but right now.. i need them both badly..




im an artist:
I don’t have hobbies, I have obsessions.

im not a sponge...

ok man.. explaining the business is ok with me, but pls dont ask how or what or even when will a person gets a bonus.. i know its important but the part of my brain that process those infos are kinda out of wack.. meaning!! i get the idea but give me a break.. rather give me more time to know the difference...

right now 15%x300+2%xwatever=x is just 15%x300+2%xwatever=x to me..no more no less

pleaseeeeeeeeeeee....the creative team is loaded and i need to finish things...

understand that im a visual person.. sometimes, analytical..i analyse things in a different manner without numbers...


so.. can you please explain it again..

my personal meter

me·ter /ˈmitər/[mee-ter]–noun
an instrument for measuring, esp. one that automatically measures and records the quantity of something, as of gas, water, miles, or time, when it is activated.


my life has a meter, a happy meter. nice huh?...not really, its just here to make sure that i have a certain amount of happiness in my life.. a certain dose..

if i exceeded that dose.. it automatically send problems, situations, assholes and friggin stupid people to neutralise my happiness.. it usually send those things one at a time but this morning, i cant explain, but all was there this morning, saying good morning to my face with all their glory.

so im sorry if ill be mean, rude, be an ass or just a friggin bascket case today..i have a friggin happy meter up my ass.. so what do you expect?

personality! smertsonality! im poised..

Your Personality is Very Rare (ESTP)

Your personality type is dominant, driven, poised, and self-aware. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 6% of all menYou are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/">How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test