ah..eh... er..

got an email from someone and she wrote:

When I’m with you, it feels as though we could spend infinity in conversation. Some people consider it such a boring activity, such a hopeless, dispassionate attempt at trying to connect on some fundamental level other than physical attraction. I disagree. I’ve fallen in love only with those I felt I could talk to, really talk to.

You have that way of sometimes listening to me, just listening, and yet sometimes you get so excited in trying to tell me something, a whole bunch of things. I used to think it was cliché, how they say you get lost in someone’s eyes but when we talk it constantly amazes me to find someone who actually can look me straight in the eye and not flinch at the person he might find within the carefree ways and easy laugh. You might find in me a Medusa and then turn to stone.
Sometimes when we talk, I am overwhelmingly aware of your presence though you might be sitting across me or even with a person in between us. I notice that you like to lean forward when we’re talking, or that you grip something within my proximity – the back of the chair, the thrown hasty sweater in between, sometimes your hand on the back of my head …

But the best part is when you laugh. Unexpectedly. Your whole being surprised in laughter – your eyes light up and you exhale your “ha’s” with so much feeling. Sometimes you’re able to explain yourself; sometimes it takes you a full minute to gain composure. I remember one of the times you made me laugh. You said something unintentionally funny, and the moment the words escaped your mouth, I was the one you took by surprise. I couldn’t stop laughing. I remember how pleased you look afterwards, and how, like a child who has tentatively discovered a successful experiment, you repeated yourself and waited for me to laugh again.

What you don’t know is how hard I work to make you laugh. How I mentally rehearse stories in my head hoping that one of them will make you smile, at the very least. How I sometimes pout and sulk when I see that it cheers you up immensely when you’re trying to rile me up. How some of your text messages can actually make me laugh out loud. How I probably would not put the phone down for the next ten minutes if I hear your deep, cheerful laugh over the line, if only in the hopes of hearing it again.

Our little jokes sound silly to other people …sometimes it feels like we made up our own imaginary place and only either of us holds a ticket to get in. Sometimes, even amidst a whole bunch of other people you say something inexplicably striking and unintelligible to them, something only I would know and understand. And you would give me that look and wait for an acknowledgement.

Despite our penchant for long conversations, we still miss out on a lot of things and I wonder if it happens to you, the way it does to me …sometimes it feels like we have so much to say to each other. But at the end of it, a word, a look and hours later and I realize...

I wasn’t able to say anything at all.



just
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am i suposed to react, reply, be happy, sad or scared? is life shitting on me now? or this is just a big practical joke tryin to make me feel high then slapped me on the face and spit on me..man please this is not funny..

but if not..

why the hell just now?!!

wish you told me this 3 years ago...

DAMN!