ok..today is a bit diff day.. im me myself right now.. as in me... few people can stand this side of me and i thank god for them... but i guess majority of my friends cant.. at first they try to break this "me" by askin things, talkin to me and all, but they stop.. i dont mind that.. i dont care.. i understand.. i'll live.. anyway..
just wana say im pissed with this woman.. keep on askin me things.. stupid things.. ok stupid is a harsh word to use.. but for god sake dont ask me to comment your friendster account thing.. and pls ask nicely!!! your rude! and i wont waste my time doin that.. stop bugging me.. im working!!! aaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggg bug off!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Floating Ice in Slushy Masses
There’s a reason for everything. Haven’t I told that to myself? But sometimes, reason goes beyond what my mind could grasp. I linger for a moment and realize that moving on was the least I could do. I must admit I failed during those times. And until this very moment, the struggling goes on.
Most of the time logic escapes me and I go down deep into the pit without any arm at hand. It’s a slow process and that makes it more painful. It starts with a scratch until you realized that it had become a wound that will never heal even with time. How could anyone be prepared for such a battle? Anticipation has always treated me as an adversary and with that, I am always bound to be defeated.
I have often called myself a fool. And truly, such name tagging would come in handy. Expectations go beyond the loss of hope and when that happens you have no choice but to accept. Fool as I am, I would make mistakes over and over again without realizing that committing them makes me weaker than I already am. I guess I will never learn from those mistakes because the way I see it, I kept doing the same thing.
But I learn not to cry over spilled milk. It’s the worthless thing possible. The time that elapsed could never be regained and so are the wrong actions. I’m just glad that there are memories that we could dig up inside our head. Because by then, we learn to appreciate events that were long-forgotten and remember people that we’ve hurt along the way hoping that with time they would fail to recall and learn to forgive.
I learn that nothing could be perfect no matter how we tried. Perfection is but an imagined word for us to delineate the lines of imperfection. It’s synonymous to the power of the opposites. You can never appreciate happiness without knowing grief and desolation; you can never appreciate being fulfilled unless you experienced being discontented; you can never appreciate beauty if you have not seen such imperfection.
Most of all I learn that enduring is not a sin. You have to move on alright but to linger has a good effect in itself. Because by then you are able to recognize the pain it brought in your life. You realize that although moving on is ideal,
sometimes,
it’s also good to indulge and wallow.
Most of the time logic escapes me and I go down deep into the pit without any arm at hand. It’s a slow process and that makes it more painful. It starts with a scratch until you realized that it had become a wound that will never heal even with time. How could anyone be prepared for such a battle? Anticipation has always treated me as an adversary and with that, I am always bound to be defeated.
I have often called myself a fool. And truly, such name tagging would come in handy. Expectations go beyond the loss of hope and when that happens you have no choice but to accept. Fool as I am, I would make mistakes over and over again without realizing that committing them makes me weaker than I already am. I guess I will never learn from those mistakes because the way I see it, I kept doing the same thing.
But I learn not to cry over spilled milk. It’s the worthless thing possible. The time that elapsed could never be regained and so are the wrong actions. I’m just glad that there are memories that we could dig up inside our head. Because by then, we learn to appreciate events that were long-forgotten and remember people that we’ve hurt along the way hoping that with time they would fail to recall and learn to forgive.
I learn that nothing could be perfect no matter how we tried. Perfection is but an imagined word for us to delineate the lines of imperfection. It’s synonymous to the power of the opposites. You can never appreciate happiness without knowing grief and desolation; you can never appreciate being fulfilled unless you experienced being discontented; you can never appreciate beauty if you have not seen such imperfection.
Most of all I learn that enduring is not a sin. You have to move on alright but to linger has a good effect in itself. Because by then you are able to recognize the pain it brought in your life. You realize that although moving on is ideal,
sometimes,
it’s also good to indulge and wallow.
Monday, July 30, 2007
i know
you were on a biz trip for 5 days and you said you missed us..but the time youarrived yesterday you just said hi and told your tired..i know how you work and i dont question that.. i know how you feel bout responsibilities and i understand that... you hardly call when your there,you just say your gona start the meeting and have a nice day... i know everything bout your work.. the 100 tons of things you need to finish before goin back... i know you gona move to a new plant.. much better and expensive than the old one... i know your havin problems with the lettuce and potato farmers but you brag bout fixin it by just talkin to them...i know lots of things bout whats happening to you...what your goin through.. where you want to be next month... who you dont want to see or mad at...i try to know them all.. even though you dont ask hows my day or how i am..
but i guess i can live with out you askin me that..
just wana let you know bout something.. bout red..
he smiles when you say arigato to him..
he has a new corner he likes.. always goes there and sit there while smilling..
the new red corner..
he bit his arm last saturday and he cried..he was crying and still bitting his arm... that was funny..
he loves crawling without a shirt on..
i cut his hair...
and he is now tryin to stand up on his own..so all that bending over?he is tryin hard..
so thats it.. have a nice day to you..
but i guess i can live with out you askin me that..
just wana let you know bout something.. bout red..
he smiles when you say arigato to him..
he has a new corner he likes.. always goes there and sit there while smilling..
the new red corner..
he bit his arm last saturday and he cried..he was crying and still bitting his arm... that was funny..
he loves crawling without a shirt on..
i cut his hair...
and he is now tryin to stand up on his own..so all that bending over?he is tryin hard..
so thats it.. have a nice day to you..
Thursday, July 19, 2007
conversation #3
me: god? i know its too early.. are you there?
Him: Yeah, im here.. been here all the time..
me: thanks..and im so sorry..
Him: for what?
me: you know what i mean, bout yesterday and me gettin mad and all..
Him: Well,are you really sorry?
me: yah..
Him: ok..whatelse?
me: thats it? only ok?
Him: Why? you want me to shine a light on you and make the angels sing for you?
me: ah er eh..oooo can you?
Him: Hey, dont push your luck kid..
me: ok..
Him: your question is "WHY"
me: hey! how did you know? ok.. stupid question.. yah i was gona ask why, why her? she serves you well.. we both know she sinned and everything but we all do..
Him: well..i know if i answer your question you will ask anther question... coz trust me you wont understand why things happen to good people..
me: i guess you know me beter than myself..you know i feel really sad bout whats happenin to her right?
Him: yah i know..
me: god? can i ask for a favor?
Him: sure.. what is it?
me.. strength.
Him: for?
me: her.. to endure things.. and me.. to be a better person..
Him: for her.. she has faith.. she knows things will be ok.. but i need you to be there if that faith is not seen by her at times..and for you.. i cant make you a better person..you do it on your on.. sorry to burst you bubble kid..
me: oh shit! ooops sorry..
Him: want me to give you that?
me: nope.. sorry..
Him: you sure?
me: yah im sure..
Him: so what now?
me: well you know my friend and i were talkin yesterday bout bubbles, well i said accidentally told her that ill make someone bleed if someone burst our bubble today..
Him: sorry to tell you the bad news kid... but i already did bleed for you..
me: huh?
Him: kid.. your hopeless!!
me: what did i do now?
Him: remember the big cross, nails, whip, crown made of thorns and ooohh people shouting "crucify him! crucify him!"?
me: holy shhh..
Him: dont dare to say that..
me: holy shoes!! yah ido remember that..
Him: fine..stop bein an occational catholic..pls for my sake..
me: ok god.. ill try
Him: no.. you wont.
me: give me a break here..
Him: always do.. but pls this time, try a little harder..
me: ok i know you know.
Him: i know..always.
me: thanks god
Him: no problem.. peace!!
me: peace!
Him: Yeah, im here.. been here all the time..
me: thanks..and im so sorry..
Him: for what?
me: you know what i mean, bout yesterday and me gettin mad and all..
Him: Well,are you really sorry?
me: yah..
Him: ok..whatelse?
me: thats it? only ok?
Him: Why? you want me to shine a light on you and make the angels sing for you?
me: ah er eh..oooo can you?
Him: Hey, dont push your luck kid..
me: ok..
Him: your question is "WHY"
me: hey! how did you know? ok.. stupid question.. yah i was gona ask why, why her? she serves you well.. we both know she sinned and everything but we all do..
Him: well..i know if i answer your question you will ask anther question... coz trust me you wont understand why things happen to good people..
me: i guess you know me beter than myself..you know i feel really sad bout whats happenin to her right?
Him: yah i know..
me: god? can i ask for a favor?
Him: sure.. what is it?
me.. strength.
Him: for?
me: her.. to endure things.. and me.. to be a better person..
Him: for her.. she has faith.. she knows things will be ok.. but i need you to be there if that faith is not seen by her at times..and for you.. i cant make you a better person..you do it on your on.. sorry to burst you bubble kid..
me: oh shit! ooops sorry..
Him: want me to give you that?
me: nope.. sorry..
Him: you sure?
me: yah im sure..
Him: so what now?
me: well you know my friend and i were talkin yesterday bout bubbles, well i said accidentally told her that ill make someone bleed if someone burst our bubble today..
Him: sorry to tell you the bad news kid... but i already did bleed for you..
me: huh?
Him: kid.. your hopeless!!
me: what did i do now?
Him: remember the big cross, nails, whip, crown made of thorns and ooohh people shouting "crucify him! crucify him!"?
me: holy shhh..
Him: dont dare to say that..
me: holy shoes!! yah ido remember that..
Him: fine..stop bein an occational catholic..pls for my sake..
me: ok god.. ill try
Him: no.. you wont.
me: give me a break here..
Him: always do.. but pls this time, try a little harder..
me: ok i know you know.
Him: i know..always.
me: thanks god
Him: no problem.. peace!!
me: peace!
sorry
for the past two days..some people were just there to bother me or make my life a living hell..i complained, i cursed, i rant *thank you by for letting me my friend*.. and nearly hit someone just because he ruined a nice day.. and i asked someone upthere if theres more to come..
well i guess he answered me.. in a text from me wife..
she told me, her bestfriend is diagnosed with bels palsy/left facial paralyzsm.. and something felt like bein crushed, numbing pain, and i started feelin guilty..feelin ungrateful for all the things life gave and giving me..blessing or even shit and all..
im just sorry for bein like this..
really dont know what to say...
well i guess he answered me.. in a text from me wife..
she told me, her bestfriend is diagnosed with bels palsy/left facial paralyzsm.. and something felt like bein crushed, numbing pain, and i started feelin guilty..feelin ungrateful for all the things life gave and giving me..blessing or even shit and all..
im just sorry for bein like this..
really dont know what to say...
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
when a man loves a woman
send by a friend:
wisdom comes tru the yrs. as told oftentyms by those who hv gone tru the storms of winter and heat of summers,the flowers of springtym tht wilted in fall.It is also for those who hv witnessed the death of others but wud not think of ones own. My name is norman and my fren Adrian always tells me tht younger men need a wise n older man to tell them things,things like whom to trust,how to love,how to have a good life.Not long ago, Adrian lost his wife Janet to cancer.God knows she was a fighter but in the end,the disease won the seven yr battle...One day, Adrian pulled a folded paper from his wallet, He said he found it while going tru the drawers in the house.It was a love note,in Janets handwriting.It looked like a schoolgirls daydream note about a boy across the street.All tht ws missing was a hand-drawn heart and the names "Adrian n Janet".This note was written by the mother of four children,a woman w/in the months of the end.It was a wonderf! ul prescription for holding a marriage together. This is how Janet's nota about her husband begins, "Loved,Cared,Worried". Adrian didnt joke w/ his wife about cancer,Hed come home and shed be in one of the moods cancer patients get lost in and hed take her in the car fast enuf n say "Im taking u out to dinner."He worried and she knew it.You dont hide things from someone who knows better.The next words written were,"Helped me wen I was sick."Janet wrote this during the horrible pain brought by cancer.The list contained, "Forgave me for a lot of things.""stood by me"."provided me evrything if ever needed." And she ended her note by saying,"My husband my good fren to the last breath of my life."Then i ask Adrian,"Adrian you must hv sacrificed for Janet.How do i know i wud have wat it takes to stand by my wife if she got sick?" It took a while before he answered," You will",he said,"If you love her enuf,you will."
my promise, i will..
wisdom comes tru the yrs. as told oftentyms by those who hv gone tru the storms of winter and heat of summers,the flowers of springtym tht wilted in fall.It is also for those who hv witnessed the death of others but wud not think of ones own. My name is norman and my fren Adrian always tells me tht younger men need a wise n older man to tell them things,things like whom to trust,how to love,how to have a good life.Not long ago, Adrian lost his wife Janet to cancer.God knows she was a fighter but in the end,the disease won the seven yr battle...One day, Adrian pulled a folded paper from his wallet, He said he found it while going tru the drawers in the house.It was a love note,in Janets handwriting.It looked like a schoolgirls daydream note about a boy across the street.All tht ws missing was a hand-drawn heart and the names "Adrian n Janet".This note was written by the mother of four children,a woman w/in the months of the end.It was a wonderf! ul prescription for holding a marriage together. This is how Janet's nota about her husband begins, "Loved,Cared,Worried". Adrian didnt joke w/ his wife about cancer,Hed come home and shed be in one of the moods cancer patients get lost in and hed take her in the car fast enuf n say "Im taking u out to dinner."He worried and she knew it.You dont hide things from someone who knows better.The next words written were,"Helped me wen I was sick."Janet wrote this during the horrible pain brought by cancer.The list contained, "Forgave me for a lot of things.""stood by me"."provided me evrything if ever needed." And she ended her note by saying,"My husband my good fren to the last breath of my life."Then i ask Adrian,"Adrian you must hv sacrificed for Janet.How do i know i wud have wat it takes to stand by my wife if she got sick?" It took a while before he answered," You will",he said,"If you love her enuf,you will."
my promise, i will..
a little girl in me..
like any ordinary day...i start mine with a kick from my kid..gettin use to it really... but today was a bit ..well whats the word for it?..ah eh..er.. he made me scream like a little girl.. high pitched and 4 octave higher than my normal voice range.. after that pain from my little hellion.. i saw this cute little kid sitting right beside me and smiling..showin his 8 teeth..oh and he's pickin his nose..
i just smilled and asked him if he wants to be the only child..and he answered..
nam nam!
*english: can you pls give me my milk or else ill make you scream again..
*mental note*
check if the devil himself tattooed the number 666 somewhere on my kid..
i just smilled and asked him if he wants to be the only child..and he answered..
nam nam!
*english: can you pls give me my milk or else ill make you scream again..
*mental note*
check if the devil himself tattooed the number 666 somewhere on my kid..
Friday, July 13, 2007
WTF
woke up round 6:30am..too damn cold.. forgot to turn off the aircon and outside its rainin.. well atleast i had a nice sleep and red too.. anyways..my feeling today is kinda orangy *im talkin bout the color here* ..ok im wearin my orange shirt, torned jeans (hope HR wont give me memos and all) and my fave pair of shoes..oh..im usin my shoulder bag now.. well its a non-wooven bag, borrowed from the networks marketing stuff..its a sample for a marketing giveaway..
they say its gay-ish.. me usin it as a shoulder bag.. fuck off!! i will do watever i want, and i dont care..
so i went out round 8:30am and getting a cab is getting harder and harder this rainy days.. i stood there for about 15 mins and this group of people..3 people to be exact, 2 women and a gay guy, they were lookin at me and smilling.. ok i went tru a mental note
i took a bath*check*
no body odor *check*
brushed my teeth *check*
fly is not open *check*
maybe they're thinking im gay? WTF!! but the time they saw me lookin at them, they walked towards me and the gay guy just said.. "my friend told me that your cute" well i just smiled and said thanks..
nice way to start the day..
confused..
they say its gay-ish.. me usin it as a shoulder bag.. fuck off!! i will do watever i want, and i dont care..
so i went out round 8:30am and getting a cab is getting harder and harder this rainy days.. i stood there for about 15 mins and this group of people..3 people to be exact, 2 women and a gay guy, they were lookin at me and smilling.. ok i went tru a mental note
i took a bath*check*
no body odor *check*
brushed my teeth *check*
fly is not open *check*
maybe they're thinking im gay? WTF!! but the time they saw me lookin at them, they walked towards me and the gay guy just said.. "my friend told me that your cute" well i just smiled and said thanks..
nice way to start the day..
confused..
Thursday, July 12, 2007
she
this head is givin me a bad mood.. but while i was browsing tru stuff and sites.. i found images.. images that took me back somewhere.. i dono.. somewhere i can remember life is good and the same time... regret things..
can i just think out loud for a moment here?
i saw the nicest smile.. just now.. but she hates it.. i dono why...
she doesnt know shes amazing... doesnt know life is better when shes around.. or just a conversation make things better.. but today is not.. by choice, i let things not be better.. for a change..
now i know.. havin this bad mood is bcoz shes not here..not this head..
but her...
can i just think out loud for a moment here?
i saw the nicest smile.. just now.. but she hates it.. i dono why...
she doesnt know shes amazing... doesnt know life is better when shes around.. or just a conversation make things better.. but today is not.. by choice, i let things not be better.. for a change..
now i know.. havin this bad mood is bcoz shes not here..not this head..
but her...
it took heaven and earth plus a kick from my kid to drag myself out of bed today.. feeling weird and all..splitting headache and a heavy body.. i thought getting home early last tuesday was a good thing.. but it wasnt... got out of the buildng and it started to drizzle then after walkin and thinkin that it was a nice me feelin the rain.. after a few meters.. it poured.. hard.. damn hard!
oh well..nice to walk under the rain still...
*45 mins passed*
stupid friggin rain!!!! are you mad at me!!
im soakin wet.. when i walk, i make this squishy sound..
squish, squish, squish!!
TAXI!!!!
"ill double the fee if you drive me to my house"..
it was a bad thing to do but hey im desperate to get out of this rain..
########
still love the rain, but take it easy on me next time pls..
aaaaaaccchhhhhhoooooo!!!
oh well..nice to walk under the rain still...
*45 mins passed*
stupid friggin rain!!!! are you mad at me!!
im soakin wet.. when i walk, i make this squishy sound..
squish, squish, squish!!
TAXI!!!!
"ill double the fee if you drive me to my house"..
it was a bad thing to do but hey im desperate to get out of this rain..
########
still love the rain, but take it easy on me next time pls..
aaaaaaccchhhhhhoooooo!!!
Monday, July 09, 2007
...
Father I know now your life's been stretched too long across paper torn and crumpled was drown the garden that we've sown....you made me, so damn happy....wanting to follow you around but leading a cast of clown....show could you expect me to worship your name....father I know now it's etched to deep in sand....I'm sorry... so sorry I couldn't wipe it with my hand....so unhappy you made the sky come down....father I smile now wings have stretched to the sky....when I look up at the heavens I see your face in the stars at night...again you made me happy....the stage has been turned downthe clowns have lost their crowd....now sleep well and sound...quietly rest.....
happy bday dad..
happy bday dad..
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