verge

goin back to last night,...

before leaving for uncle joes'... i felt a heavy thing inside my chest... something that scared me big time.. ok.. its like.. if i had a gun that time... ive shot myself.. its a morbid feeling but that time i can hurt myself...i can kill myself...for one apperent reason...

sadness...

it scared me coz it was the first time it happened..first time to feel that extreme feeling... first time i was sure of something that will hurt me..

am i this person who can do this to himself?...i was in a verge of breaking down.. of not knowin who am i that very minute..

before leaving the office.. i called my house and ask Red's nanny to put him on the fone and make him laugh.. i just wan hear his laugh.. his voice..

then.. i heard this little voice... i was nearly in tears hearing it... but it didnt help the feeling.. it just made me sadder...made it worst..



please God.. make me realise that i have a good life... please