nice day to shoot someone...

becoming a new outlet for me..
shooting people
;)

ADOBO on "crack"

top image: my reco

bottom image: the ad of the month of JWT..

i really dont know what to feel when i got the news...

adobo magazine, a creative magazine published here...made Ford Focus Diesel "Crack" their Ad of the month.. JWT is the ad agency, mentioned also 9 creatives.. 5 art directors and 4 copywriters..

nice huh?

well yeah.. but the thing is.... the concept was thought by yours truly.. submitted for a reco application for the site.. i heard that Ford was suprise that their creatives didnt thought of that execution..

Happy and i did 2 concept each..he did the sheds and banners.... and i did 2 designs.. all four was approved and executed..all now are up and existing..

this is the reality of the biz..im not complaining..already did..

so what's all this?

just wanted to let you know that ive tasted a diff kind of adobo..

an unpleasant one but an acquired taste..

wanted to say more.. but my brain is not workin..

bye

make it hot man

right now.. im thinking out of the box.. but im still inside a paper bag.. or maybe not a paper bag but a coffee pouch bag which was describe as an 18yr old girl without makeup...my task is to make it into a 22 yr old woman..


*thats funny dude.. nice way to describe my design*



############### save me from the fire

tumbler kid

just a few pics of red here...

funny kid

wiwi

comfort zone....

i lost mine again....

gona be with a new creative team... 3 teams in a year.. or maybe less than.. but it feels like ages..
i dont mind the movement...i just dont like the separation...

its just work... but what pisses me off, was the fact that i heard so many things that i wish i didnt hear yesterday...they always say that "we belong to a one family.. so we need to help each other.. balh blah blah"

ok thats good.. so i did that..

i didnt move to my new desk, even though i should.. im just finishing my work load.. its not my way of leaving responsibilitites to others, especially my deadlines.. i've got 4 deadlines yesterday...so i was here as early as 8am...

then people started askin... "when will i go up or move?"..well got annoyed a little bit.. so i said "ok i will.. today"...

then i read a text message from someone all mighty that i should move na coz it was agreed upon on this date that i will be reporting or working here.. blah blah yada yada.. and the network is paying na my salary from this date...

f*ck.. dude! im just tryin to work here...relax...

so right now... im here again.. same place.. different spot...alone.. with my computer...ranting...

and

asking a question...

what the fuck?!



##################
mike just wants to work and at the end of the day.. hug his kid
mike is tryin to fit in since the beginning...he did.. the second time
mike is thinking of buying a new pair of pants..badly
mike is still thinking of you.. even though

isang minuto...

"kumusta na mike?" tanong mo habang nagbibihis ako..

"hindi ko alam, siguro ok lang.. hindi masaya, hindi din malungkot"

"tanggap mo na ba ang lahat?" parang nangungutya ka at pinipilit na saktan ako..

"di ba wala naman akong magagawa.. alam mo nung umpisa di ko kakayanin, pro di mo naman ako iniwan"

"yun lang naman ang magagawa ko, pro sana naintindihan mo na konti lang ang matutulong ko" sagot na simple pero malalim ang kahulugan para sakin..

"may nararamdaman ka pa ba sa kanya?"

"kay #####? di ko alam eh..pro pag naiisip ko gumugolo mundo. napapahinto ako"

"siguro nga meron pa..tsk tsk.. bayan mo na sya" pareho sa sagot mo..alam ko din meron pa..

"hindi naman masama kung tutuluyan mo ng kalimutan yung nangyari.." bat hindi ako natakot sabihin sayo..siguro alam ko maiintindihan mo ako..salamat pero

"minsan nakakasawa nadin maging malungkot, bumibigat ang lahat...nag iiba din ang kulay, lahat pusyaw, lahat madilim..lahat kulang sa buhay"

"gusto mo bang uminom? para maiba naman..." alam mo di ako umiinom, pero salamat sa alok..

"hindi na, inaantok na ako..bukas nalang tayo ulit mag usap."

"ok. sige"


alam ko gusto mo pang makipag usap, gusto pang marinig ang mga iniisip ko.. pro di ko na din kaya alalanin ang lahat..nag uumpisa palang ako tumangap ng katotohanan, mga kapangitan ng buhay..

siguro bukas.. pag may lakas na akong ngumiti at humarap sa salamin at kausapin ka muli.

...

In my loneliness,
I drown in the crowd;
In my silence,
I vanish in the busy chattering.
Walls resounding,
As caffeine-flavored air
Hovers rich,
Above me.
Inside the thickness of the room,
I sit still;
Unfamiliar faces,
With voices
Rising and falling,
In unison.
And I,

I’m invisible.

have i, did i, would i?

1. Have you said "I love you" today?
yah..said it to someone 3 times with lots of kiss and a tight hug.
2. What's one thing you actuallyremember about PREP?
Never took prep.
3. Did you cry at your graduation orsmile because you were glad it wasover?
Laughed and hooted and screamed at myfavorite teacher. I was so happy I wasleaving.
4. Name 2 of your favorite movies?
serendipity andshallow hal
5. What's the last thing you thinkabout before going to sleep at night?
her
6. What are your nicknames?
mike.dad.mikee(i hate this mikee thing)
7. How do you calm down when youreextremely angry?
I stuff it down or let it out by writinga nasty poem about the object of my ire.
8. A movie or a long walk in the beachon a date?
went to a silent movie once with someone..she's deaf but nice and so pretty..
9. What are 3 of the first things younotice in a girl?
[Aside from face, huh?]Smile.Voice.Smell.
10. Would you ever date someone covered in tats and piercings?
Done it.
11. Would you want a house at the beachor in the mountains?
Both.
12. What are 2 of your favorite colors?
Platinum. Red.
13. What time is it right now?
Quarter to 9
14. What's your zodiac sign?
the Bull
15. Are you a (1) party animal orsomeone who (2) prefers to stay in aquiet place?
It depends on who I am at a particular time.
16. Do you prefer dogs or cats?
Dogs
17. Would you drive 100 miles for the one you love?
I dont drive.. but I rode a bus for six hours just to see someone... and have dinner with her.
18. Does love really make you actcrazy?
Define crazy.
19. Are you brave enough to tell aguy/girl you like him/her?
Of course. Done it too.
20. What do you usually do when you'restarting to fall for some guy/girl?
Nothing.
21. Have you ever had diarrhea andvomited at the same time?
I dont remember any incident probably not.
22. Do you prefer shrimp or crab legs?
Both
23. How do babies make you feel?
nice
24. Who is the last person you high-fived?
strappy.(does high5 in msn count) i dont high 5 in real life.. i hug
25. Have you ever drunk milk straightout of the carton?
yah
26. Do you think you're attractive?
nope
27. Have you ever flown a kite?
hmmm.. cant remember.. i guess
28. Do you consider yourself successful?
Not right now.
29. Where is your cellphone?
a few inches from my left hand, hahaha!
30. What do you usually do when you'resad?
I write it out. If that doesnt work, Idraw it out. Whenever possible, Idistract myself with the presence ofother people. When its really, reallybad, I curl up fetus-pose and bawl .
31. What are your plans for tonight?
sleep with red beside me..
32. What's the last thing you often dobefore going to bed?
Ruminate.
33. Are you a morning or evening person?
Evening. Definitely.

dont have a morning brain..

Type what comes to yourmind first whenever you hear these 50words. Don't think and don't go backand change. Doesn't matter how random:

1. Beer: nope
2. Food: bread
3. Relationships: talkin to someone without sayin anything
4. Your crush: the one with the nicest smile
5. Power Rangers: Spaghetti rings (promise!)
6. Life: red
7. Death: bein run over by a bus
8. School: of rock
9. The President: Gloria
10. Yummy: her
11. Cars: VW
12. Movie: cinema paradiso
13. Halloween: stir fried chicken
14. Sex: make love
15. Religion: my God is a DJ
16. Myspace: your space
17. Fear: burried alive
18. Marriage: sayin i do
19. Blondes: gweneth paltrow
20. Slippers: leather sandals
21. Shoes: black leather
22. Asians: Chinese girls with straight,black bangs and slitty eyes
23: Past time: thinking
24. One night stand: dont i get a second one?
25: Cell Phone: 5110
27: Smoke: A childhood memory of yayaLumen burning dead leaves
28. Fantasy: bein an angel of death
29: College: white shirt & torned jeans
30: Highschool Life: nice?
31. Pajamas: Red
32. Star: nice to get high and look at..
33. Fitness Center: coffee
34. Alcohol: dont like
35. The word love: means you
36. Friends: few..but the best
37. Money: changes everything
38. Heartache: gun shot
39. Time: Cyndi Lauper
40. Divorce: why not..
41. Dogs: my mom's happy and kim (2 black labradors)
42. Undies: Black
43. Parents: Cow and Chicken
44. Babies: drool and farts like hell
45. Stripper: The former goddes
46. Blogs: strappy
47. News: Harry Gasser
48. Weddings: White tulle
49. Hidden desires: Haze
50. Kleenex: Butterfly



ok.. sorry bout that.. came in too early.. so enjoy..

What was the problem again?

It has been said that men are natural problem-solvers. If so, does this make women natural….problem-makers?

My special someone very nearly threatened my life when I shared this observation with her. “We are NOT problem-makers! More often than not, YOU are the problem!”
Spoken like a true woman. Of course, I had to cite examples to prove my point.

The one trait of women I will never understand is their ability to make a problem out of everything. And I mean everything. If there is no problem readily available, you can make sure they will manufacture one for your convenience.

They make it a problem when you scratch yourself too much. What’s the big fuss? If it’s itchy, then it needs to be scratched. People do that.
But it might appear that you didn’t take a bath. And do you have to do it while we’re eating, or talking to someone?

Are we really going to argue over my scratching? It’s a simple bodily function, like urinating or yawning.

And what’s this fascination over shaving your legs? You shave, then you cover up with stockings. Bravo.

Shaved legs are sexier to look at. You just wouldn’t understand. It’s a girl thing.
But how will anyone know that they’re shaved if you cover them up with your stockings? Or your pants? You don’t wear shorts everyday now, do you?

And speaking of dressing up, why do you dress provocatively, then get angry when guys stare at you? Again, you create your own problem. If you don’t want to solicit any ogling, then don’t give us a reason to ogle.

My special someone also said that watching a basketball game was the single most boring thing she ever did in her life. I do not expect her to enjoy sports. But I do expect her to realize that window-shopping is ultimately ten times more boring than watching basketball.

Honestly, can you thing of a more ridiculous way to waste your time than to hop from one shop to the next without buying anything? And when, by some incredible stroke of luck you DO buy something, why does it take up to the end of the day?

Whenever there’s a mall-wide sale, my special someone (together with my mother and sister) roam the concrete land in search of the one bargain that will make their trip worthwhile. I, on the other hand, have bought everything I need in a span of 20 minutes. It takes me longer to park than to shop.

Can’t you people decide what you want BEFORE embarking on this hazardous trip to the mall? How come I never take as long to shop?

Because we only know what we want to buy when we see it (this is my mom talking, and she has a Ph.D. Can you believe that?)

Again, things could have been simpler, but you complicate them. I would have perfectly understood your fascination for midnight madness if you didn’t complain so often about the large crowds, your weariness, or the long lines in the comfort rooms. Are you sure you enjoy doing this?

But it doesn’t stop there. You buy something, but freak out when your credit card bill arrives. It sends you into immediate depression.

“Wala na akong pera! Ang laki-laki ng bill ko!”

Duh? Who told you to buy all those shoes (many of which you will replace after just three months) anyway?

And speaking of fashion, you own what, forty pairs of shoes, fifty blouses and thirty pants? And yet you always wonder what you’re going to wear. It takes you the whole night to dress up.
Follow our example: we own fewer clothes. Ergo, we have fewer garments from which to choose. Ergo, we’re ready to go in five minutes.

Do you see what I’m getting at? You create a problem by owning too many clothes.
Honestly, you wouldn’t have half your problems if you just thought out things systematically. You have so many “problems”, but you don’t know where to start searching for solutions.
But then again, I guess that’s what we’re here for.

Pula Guevarra

Nung umpisa..ang lahat ay puti..puti ang itim, ang dilaw,ang berde, ang lahat na naka tingin sa kawalan..hindi masasabing malungkot o masaya ang buhay... dahil lahat ay walang kulay..ngunit noong lumabas si pula na kasing laki ng manga... lahat ay nag bago...may lungkot na nararamdaman.. may saya na napapakita sa bawat isa...ang buhay ay nag umpisa sa isang pula na kasing laki ng manga..si Pula, kay Pula, sa Pula nag simula ang lahat..


kay Pula Guevarra

boredom or just plain old lack of sleep

top:
huuuuuggg.. there felt she is small for the first time..

second:
who said me and kat cant jump?aarrgrhhh!!
my desktop..parallel universe...
the reggae mohawk samurai king of dub! HAPPY!

third:
cams and happy..rainny days and thursdays always makes me high..
happy felt alone with everybody around
took a shot of the two tryin to be busy..

fourth:
sad man and the gay guy...

time: 1:39am wednesday

me, happy, jella & a paper bag..

why

she talked to me for hours...
i beg her to stop.. but she didnt..
she insisted on not putting the fone down..
i told her i was tired and want to sleep...
she told me "so sleep,ill be here listenin to your snoring"...

i was getting angry at her na...
but she didnt care bout my anger...
i cursed one or twice.. but not to her... she only said "so?"
i was pushing her away... like what i did to everybody...
but not like everybody...
she didnt move an inch...didnt want to...dont have any plans to either..

she told me things that she never told anybody... i was confused
i dont want to listen to her that time but the reciever is still on my ear...
her voice changes with every hour.. it became deeper, sadder then happier...
she seems enjoyin the conversation... i was confused

she knows what im goin tru right now... the hell, the demons beside me...
i really dont know why she's doin this... but it was better than nothing...
for two days now, she's checkin on me..
askin me how i am, what am i doin...


am i still thinkin of it..

this morning she texted me again.. askin hows my morning..
i answered "why?"...
she just replied back with a happy face...



i just said "thanks"

you said you will wait for me to tell you whats wrong with me... how i feel and how im tryin not to be someone else i dont like to be.. im really tryin ... but the hardest part is you waiting.. how convinient.. i said to myself..

but i guess thats the way you are.. and this is the way i am my friend...

good nigth...




im really tryin...


i guess ill get tru this alone...

wait

its easier for me to be a rain cloud this few days than to be a sunshine...


someone said to me she gona wait or maybe she told me to take my time..
she'll wait for a rain cloud or maybe she askin me to take my time to be a rain cloud..

both have sad endings...


me becoming a storm..

verge

goin back to last night,...

before leaving for uncle joes'... i felt a heavy thing inside my chest... something that scared me big time.. ok.. its like.. if i had a gun that time... ive shot myself.. its a morbid feeling but that time i can hurt myself...i can kill myself...for one apperent reason...

sadness...

it scared me coz it was the first time it happened..first time to feel that extreme feeling... first time i was sure of something that will hurt me..

am i this person who can do this to himself?...i was in a verge of breaking down.. of not knowin who am i that very minute..

before leaving the office.. i called my house and ask Red's nanny to put him on the fone and make him laugh.. i just wan hear his laugh.. his voice..

then.. i heard this little voice... i was nearly in tears hearing it... but it didnt help the feeling.. it just made me sadder...made it worst..



please God.. make me realise that i have a good life... please

deep

firday night.. 8:30pm... goin somewhere later for kats birthday and i hope things will make this mood change...
whats the mood?
deep.... deeeeeepppp.. deeeeeeeeepppp depression!

wana kill myself.. serious


bye

still

i want to sleep...
still not ok... tryin to look happy
still missing red and his giggle...
still have this sore foot.. coz of that 80 year old cabinet... aaaaarrrrgggggg
still tryin to find solution to my problem...
still thinking of that woman...
still looking at that smile...
still doin that damn scrapbook for a client...
still wishin it would rain today....
still...

pls just talk to me... im gona be still here.. waiting

rant #1

ok..today is a bit diff day.. im me myself right now.. as in me... few people can stand this side of me and i thank god for them... but i guess majority of my friends cant.. at first they try to break this "me" by askin things, talkin to me and all, but they stop.. i dont mind that.. i dont care.. i understand.. i'll live.. anyway..

just wana say im pissed with this woman.. keep on askin me things.. stupid things.. ok stupid is a harsh word to use.. but for god sake dont ask me to comment your friendster account thing.. and pls ask nicely!!! your rude! and i wont waste my time doin that.. stop bugging me.. im working!!! aaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggg bug off!

Floating Ice in Slushy Masses

There’s a reason for everything. Haven’t I told that to myself? But sometimes, reason goes beyond what my mind could grasp. I linger for a moment and realize that moving on was the least I could do. I must admit I failed during those times. And until this very moment, the struggling goes on.

Most of the time logic escapes me and I go down deep into the pit without any arm at hand. It’s a slow process and that makes it more painful. It starts with a scratch until you realized that it had become a wound that will never heal even with time. How could anyone be prepared for such a battle? Anticipation has always treated me as an adversary and with that, I am always bound to be defeated.

I have often called myself a fool. And truly, such name tagging would come in handy. Expectations go beyond the loss of hope and when that happens you have no choice but to accept. Fool as I am, I would make mistakes over and over again without realizing that committing them makes me weaker than I already am. I guess I will never learn from those mistakes because the way I see it, I kept doing the same thing.

But I learn not to cry over spilled milk. It’s the worthless thing possible. The time that elapsed could never be regained and so are the wrong actions. I’m just glad that there are memories that we could dig up inside our head. Because by then, we learn to appreciate events that were long-forgotten and remember people that we’ve hurt along the way hoping that with time they would fail to recall and learn to forgive.

I learn that nothing could be perfect no matter how we tried. Perfection is but an imagined word for us to delineate the lines of imperfection. It’s synonymous to the power of the opposites. You can never appreciate happiness without knowing grief and desolation; you can never appreciate being fulfilled unless you experienced being discontented; you can never appreciate beauty if you have not seen such imperfection.

Most of all I learn that enduring is not a sin. You have to move on alright but to linger has a good effect in itself. Because by then you are able to recognize the pain it brought in your life. You realize that although moving on is ideal,

sometimes,

it’s also good to indulge and wallow.

promise i wont

promises made to be broken

im just thinkin.. it would really be nice if im gona be ask how am i today.. without any reason but they just want to know how i feel that very moment..

why am i sayin this?
i dono...

dont mind me..

i know

you were on a biz trip for 5 days and you said you missed us..but the time youarrived yesterday you just said hi and told your tired..i know how you work and i dont question that.. i know how you feel bout responsibilities and i understand that... you hardly call when your there,you just say your gona start the meeting and have a nice day... i know everything bout your work.. the 100 tons of things you need to finish before goin back... i know you gona move to a new plant.. much better and expensive than the old one... i know your havin problems with the lettuce and potato farmers but you brag bout fixin it by just talkin to them...i know lots of things bout whats happening to you...what your goin through.. where you want to be next month... who you dont want to see or mad at...i try to know them all.. even though you dont ask hows my day or how i am..

but i guess i can live with out you askin me that..

just wana let you know bout something.. bout red..

he smiles when you say arigato to him..

he has a new corner he likes.. always goes there and sit there while smilling..
the new red corner..

he bit his arm last saturday and he cried..he was crying and still bitting his arm... that was funny..

he loves crawling without a shirt on..

i cut his hair...

and he is now tryin to stand up on his own..so all that bending over?he is tryin hard..


so thats it.. have a nice day to you..

conversation #3

me: god? i know its too early.. are you there?

Him: Yeah, im here.. been here all the time..

me: thanks..and im so sorry..

Him: for what?

me: you know what i mean, bout yesterday and me gettin mad and all..

Him: Well,are you really sorry?

me: yah..

Him: ok..whatelse?

me: thats it? only ok?

Him: Why? you want me to shine a light on you and make the angels sing for you?

me: ah er eh..oooo can you?

Him: Hey, dont push your luck kid..

me: ok..

Him: your question is "WHY"

me: hey! how did you know? ok.. stupid question.. yah i was gona ask why, why her? she serves you well.. we both know she sinned and everything but we all do..

Him: well..i know if i answer your question you will ask anther question... coz trust me you wont understand why things happen to good people..

me: i guess you know me beter than myself..you know i feel really sad bout whats happenin to her right?

Him: yah i know..

me: god? can i ask for a favor?

Him: sure.. what is it?

me.. strength.

Him: for?

me: her.. to endure things.. and me.. to be a better person..

Him: for her.. she has faith.. she knows things will be ok.. but i need you to be there if that faith is not seen by her at times..and for you.. i cant make you a better person..you do it on your on.. sorry to burst you bubble kid..

me: oh shit! ooops sorry..

Him: want me to give you that?

me: nope.. sorry..

Him: you sure?

me: yah im sure..

Him: so what now?

me: well you know my friend and i were talkin yesterday bout bubbles, well i said accidentally told her that ill make someone bleed if someone burst our bubble today..

Him: sorry to tell you the bad news kid... but i already did bleed for you..

me: huh?

Him: kid.. your hopeless!!

me: what did i do now?

Him: remember the big cross, nails, whip, crown made of thorns and ooohh people shouting "crucify him! crucify him!"?

me: holy shhh..

Him: dont dare to say that..

me: holy shoes!! yah ido remember that..

Him: fine..stop bein an occational catholic..pls for my sake..

me: ok god.. ill try

Him: no.. you wont.

me: give me a break here..

Him: always do.. but pls this time, try a little harder..

me: ok i know you know.

Him: i know..always.

me: thanks god

Him: no problem.. peace!!

me: peace!

sorry

for the past two days..some people were just there to bother me or make my life a living hell..i complained, i cursed, i rant *thank you by for letting me my friend*.. and nearly hit someone just because he ruined a nice day.. and i asked someone upthere if theres more to come..

well i guess he answered me.. in a text from me wife..

she told me, her bestfriend is diagnosed with bels palsy/left facial paralyzsm.. and something felt like bein crushed, numbing pain, and i started feelin guilty..feelin ungrateful for all the things life gave and giving me..blessing or even shit and all..

im just sorry for bein like this..

really dont know what to say...

when a man loves a woman

send by a friend:



wisdom comes tru the yrs. as told oftentyms by those who hv gone tru the storms of winter and heat of summers,the flowers of springtym tht wilted in fall.It is also for those who hv witnessed the death of others but wud not think of ones own. My name is norman and my fren Adrian always tells me tht younger men need a wise n older man to tell them things,things like whom to trust,how to love,how to have a good life.Not long ago, Adrian lost his wife Janet to cancer.God knows she was a fighter but in the end,the disease won the seven yr battle...One day, Adrian pulled a folded paper from his wallet, He said he found it while going tru the drawers in the house.It was a love note,in Janets handwriting.It looked like a schoolgirls daydream note about a boy across the street.All tht ws missing was a hand-drawn heart and the names "Adrian n Janet".This note was written by the mother of four children,a woman w/in the months of the end.It was a wonderf! ul prescription for holding a marriage together. This is how Janet's nota about her husband begins, "Loved,Cared,Worried". Adrian didnt joke w/ his wife about cancer,Hed come home and shed be in one of the moods cancer patients get lost in and hed take her in the car fast enuf n say "Im taking u out to dinner."He worried and she knew it.You dont hide things from someone who knows better.The next words written were,"Helped me wen I was sick."Janet wrote this during the horrible pain brought by cancer.The list contained, "Forgave me for a lot of things.""stood by me"."provided me evrything if ever needed." And she ended her note by saying,"My husband my good fren to the last breath of my life."Then i ask Adrian,"Adrian you must hv sacrificed for Janet.How do i know i wud have wat it takes to stand by my wife if she got sick?" It took a while before he answered," You will",he said,"If you love her enuf,you will."



my promise, i will..

a little girl in me..

like any ordinary day...i start mine with a kick from my kid..gettin use to it really... but today was a bit ..well whats the word for it?..ah eh..er.. he made me scream like a little girl.. high pitched and 4 octave higher than my normal voice range.. after that pain from my little hellion.. i saw this cute little kid sitting right beside me and smiling..showin his 8 teeth..oh and he's pickin his nose..

i just smilled and asked him if he wants to be the only child..and he answered..

nam nam!
*english: can you pls give me my milk or else ill make you scream again..


*mental note*
check if the devil himself tattooed the number 666 somewhere on my kid..

WTF

woke up round 6:30am..too damn cold.. forgot to turn off the aircon and outside its rainin.. well atleast i had a nice sleep and red too.. anyways..my feeling today is kinda orangy *im talkin bout the color here* ..ok im wearin my orange shirt, torned jeans (hope HR wont give me memos and all) and my fave pair of shoes..oh..im usin my shoulder bag now.. well its a non-wooven bag, borrowed from the networks marketing stuff..its a sample for a marketing giveaway..

they say its gay-ish.. me usin it as a shoulder bag.. fuck off!! i will do watever i want, and i dont care..

so i went out round 8:30am and getting a cab is getting harder and harder this rainy days.. i stood there for about 15 mins and this group of people..3 people to be exact, 2 women and a gay guy, they were lookin at me and smilling.. ok i went tru a mental note

i took a bath*check*
no body odor *check*
brushed my teeth *check*
fly is not open *check*


maybe they're thinking im gay? WTF!! but the time they saw me lookin at them, they walked towards me and the gay guy just said.. "my friend told me that your cute" well i just smiled and said thanks..

nice way to start the day..

confused..

she

this head is givin me a bad mood.. but while i was browsing tru stuff and sites.. i found images.. images that took me back somewhere.. i dono.. somewhere i can remember life is good and the same time... regret things..

can i just think out loud for a moment here?

i saw the nicest smile.. just now.. but she hates it.. i dono why...
she doesnt know shes amazing... doesnt know life is better when shes around.. or just a conversation make things better.. but today is not.. by choice, i let things not be better.. for a change..

now i know.. havin this bad mood is bcoz shes not here..not this head..

but her...

it took heaven and earth plus a kick from my kid to drag myself out of bed today.. feeling weird and all..splitting headache and a heavy body.. i thought getting home early last tuesday was a good thing.. but it wasnt... got out of the buildng and it started to drizzle then after walkin and thinkin that it was a nice me feelin the rain.. after a few meters.. it poured.. hard.. damn hard!

oh well..nice to walk under the rain still...

*45 mins passed*
stupid friggin rain!!!! are you mad at me!!

im soakin wet.. when i walk, i make this squishy sound..
squish, squish, squish!!

TAXI!!!!

"ill double the fee if you drive me to my house"..

it was a bad thing to do but hey im desperate to get out of this rain..

########
still love the rain, but take it easy on me next time pls..

aaaaaaccchhhhhhoooooo!!!

...

Father I know now your life's been stretched too long across paper torn and crumpled was drown the garden that we've sown....you made me, so damn happy....wanting to follow you around but leading a cast of clown....show could you expect me to worship your name....father I know now it's etched to deep in sand....I'm sorry... so sorry I couldn't wipe it with my hand....so unhappy you made the sky come down....father I smile now wings have stretched to the sky....when I look up at the heavens I see your face in the stars at night...again you made me happy....the stage has been turned downthe clowns have lost their crowd....now sleep well and sound...quietly rest.....


happy bday dad..

060707

today is the first birthday of my son..but i need to go to work.. his mom got a leave but it doesnt mean im a bad father..:)

i was talkin to her last night.. and the topic was the things we did before we went to the hospital.. and we were laughing.. but a bit emotional coz red will go under the knife before september...im fine with it.. not thinking of this as red's another painful experience but his solution to his prob and this is good..

now.. i can see that red is a happy kid.. always smiling, always showing his teeth.. and i noticed that he has a wrinkly nose too when he smile.. sooooo cute..

he also likes to hug people..*got that from me* he's so malambing (sweet) but man.. he knows what he wants and he needs to get it or he'll have this fit that even i cant handle..

* wait till i can woop your butt my little hellion*

but it'll take a lot from me to hurt you...honestly i love you more than anyone on this earth..even myself..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RED!!!

060707

tired of something

I recently found... maybe it's a sad thinking... that we don't share emotions. No we don't. We are sometimes filled with huge feelings, a life so intense that we could think in that very moment that we are unique....

But only us feel that. We don't share emotions.

im sorry for bein rude man.. im just tired..or maybe slipping away from this..

hope this orange pill will make me smile..

my life

speechless..im just happy, he's ok na.

questions

questions inside my head right now..



how can you get ready or review for this? life's test..
you wont

how would you know if you past or fail?
survive or be sane after..

how would you feel when your friend was shot 3x in front of you?
first5 seconds will be numbing.. i guess,
but Happy should know..im sorry bout happend to your friend man..

how can you deal of losing something everyday?
go on..

what will you do if this things happened to you in a week?
ill ask for a 15minute timeout, to be alone and just breathe..

just breathe

just breathe...

just breathe...

not

Michael, you do NOT touch.
Can we really flee from ourself?

- I am your conscience
- You don't look like my conscience
- Your conscience looks like nothing on earth. However, I do exist.
- Prove it
- I can prove it: you have something to blame yourself for, therefore I am hampering you.
- I have nothing to blame myself for. Moreover, I don't like your sententious and moralizing look. I'd rather not to have any conscience, neither good nor bad, and above all, not you.
- You don't actually chose your conscience. You can only hide it behind that pious hypocrite face. But I'll stand still in spite of you. Anyway, who do you think you are fooling?
- You questions are boring. You are boring: go away. Besides, that smoke is unbearable.
- Are you going to pretend once more that you never smoke?
- Absolutely.
- You would hopelessly never listen. What on earth am I doing here? I'm definitely going.


- Wait...don't get upset...


May I borrow a cigarette from you?



****

One morning you wake up.....it's monday and you're late, and you won't get your coffee neither..... but it doesn't matter anymore....

cause you know it: the awesome pain will stay.

monster

My mind is wounded... My soul wears scars... My body remembers....My stomach suffers.... My voice sounds sincere. My reason is wreaked.... Everything.. chaos... nonsense..

that's the reality of me.


That makes me a monster.


doomed to remain such.

nothing

my office table is a mess, im tired..burnt..sleepy.... but im havin a icecream float this minute..niceeeeeeee!

news this week...
*got a dreamcatcher..thanks to joanne.
*Red is gona have his operation before September.
*Teta resigned..missed her already
*I TURNED DOWN A "PARTY"...ME?!! and it was near my place!!! aaaaaarrrhhhh!! BADVIBES

things i broke this month
*my fave sandals
*my guitar
*my watch
*one of my todd macfarlane toy
*broke my headphones, 3 days of sleep deprivation makes you lose your motor skills.

thats it..


supreme love and respect


group hug!

shit, kharma and everything nice *NOT!*

am i havin a bad kharma?

i know ive done things that would make my father proud..and my mother would disown me if she knew bout those things..
its just....i dont get a day without shits happenin to me..

im still tryin to find a better day.. or maybe ill start bein a better man..

or this is just life at it is..

easy like sunday morning..

8:16am, Sunday. Mother's Day



i greeted her happy mother's day..she answered "you still there".. i said "yes", with a deep voice..just woke up,still tryin to get rid this creative block..i still have it..fuckkk!!

"so i guess you wont be able to go to cavite" (or laguna..i dono where)..

"yah..still have another proj to finish for nextweek..hope you understand"..hoping for a miracle she would say yes..

"i dont".. i imagined her saying this with a face mad enough to hit me with a baseball bat..

"im sorry.. dont have a choice.."

then she said "ok".. just ok..

i told her to take care and have fun...but i was talkin to no one na.. she hung up the phone..


i guess ill be goin home to an empty house this evening..

;)

thank you Mr. Tony Bennett for reversing the mood..

...

The rain starts to fall. On any other given day I would welcome the downpour. It would be a good excuse to sit by the window and cuddle. Now that she’s gone, the rain makes the pain even worse.

I have never known so much heartache...

It’s like she took her hand to my heart and squeezed it really hard. I feel so hollow and so devoid of anything. Anguish consumes me....


How can something so good be so wrong? She was the essence of my life, the core of my being.

I watched the wave crash angrily on the rock. I wonder what it feels like to be that rock.

I wonder if I’ll feel any pain...

sorry for the sadness shown

have you ever felt a kind of sadness that is so powerful that you become a moving statue or a stone..you know your sad.. not angry.. nor emotionally unstable..but sad..

this is beyond breakdown.. and if ill have one it wouldnt help.. trust me i know..

my heart is a beating pin cussion.. can feel every pin..

im showing sadness beyond recognition..
im feeling sadness beyond my comprehension..

but i am calm, i can smile, luagh, joke, or even work...

but all is empty..





Love . . . cannot exist without the bad breath and bad jokes and bad faith that comes when you get into another person. When that person leaves, she takes her bad things with her. And in her place is an emptiness so huge that your soul cries out for its demons like you wouldn't believe.

would you..

workin on a saturday... i must i guess..

i asked my self what will i answer if you ask me this question...

conversation inside my head..

you: mike?..
Me: yes?..
you: what will you do if im gone?
Me: nothing..
you: what? again?
Me: nothing...
you: .....
Me: nothing.. coz i will do anything for that not to happen...ok?
you: ok

fucked up sentimental fool i am..

yesterday was the most tiring day i had for many weeks na.. physically and mentally.. people giving workload and revising so many times that i lost count na.. it was like me working in a fastfood chain..

ME: welcome to myfrigginworld burger, fries and shit..
can i take your order mam?

1 layout of a manual..
2 designs of a flyer that you wont use..
a large chunk of power tripping EA..
a design of a marketing kit...english and mandarin.. with no mayo..
2 bosses askin for deadlines... one with a whip, which can reach the lower floor even if she's upstairs na..
1 annoying woman who sounds like a man..shouting and talkin bout nonsense..
1 small woman..talkin to me even she sees me wearing a large headphone and with the volume up (so that i wont hear the woman who sounds like a man.)

and a diet coke..

ME: would you like to add anything mam?

go large on everything and upload...


F*CK!!!
***************************




wish it would rain on me i said to her... we both like the rain.. well that time she hates it... she needs to go somewhere but the rain she likes is holdin her in.. poor friend.. maybe she's all dress up or something...she wont let rain ruin it all.. bah

so she wished to rain on everybody.. and it did..

walked under it for a block or two. didnt mind bein wet..but my black leather shoes did..


she wished for the rain to fall on everybody.. and it did..

evryone is running and tryin not to get wet...

but im walkin... tryin to hide my smile..

coz my wish came true!!..
the rain was for me and not for anybody..

but it didnt..and it wasnt..

it was her's and for everybody..

.......................................................

out of boredom part 2

i know nobody read this..

ok a couple of people..
3 tops..

but ill make an experiment..or a poll.. ok, a survey is a better word for this..

if you read this blog... comment on this post why you waste your time reading me blog..

ok..

1.....


2....


3....


GO!

Jesus Sings Sinatra..

i know ill burn in hell for this.. just saw this post...this is not blasphemy or maybe it is..but this is just a diff way of seeing the greatest dude ever..


[If a Danish newspaper could publish a cartoon on Muhammed, and Filipino protesters could indulge so much in freedom of expression, maybe I could up the ante myself. I've realized recently I haven't been enjoying my so-called freedom, so I'm posting this 'evil' piece and see how far it would take me to verbal hell. This was inspired by a Rowan Atkinson sketch, by the way, and it's best when read aloud and the speaker is dressed up as a priest.]

And when Jesus went out, He saw a great multitude, and He was moved with compassion for them, so he went back inside the room, and later he came out dressed in a carrot suit. He went around the multitude and entertained them and pulled a rabbit out of a hat and made jokes about mothers-in-law.

And the sick were healed because they were happy. And one of them asked, "Do you do Tupperware parties, too?"

And Jesus said, "Only on weekdays."

When it was evening, the disciples came to Him, saying, "This is a deserted place. There's not even a local Pizza Hut franchise in sight. Send the multitudes away, that they may go into the villages and buy themselves food and do some R & R in some videoke bar so that they can also sing 'My Way'."

But Jesus said to them, "They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat."

And they said to Him, "We only have here five loaves and two fish."

Jesus said, "Bring them to me."

Then He commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, then He took the five loaves and noticed they were long past their expiration date. He took the two fish and smelled them and said, "This smells like James's armpits." So He commanded Judas to call on the cellphone the Salvation Army or the ABS-CBN Foundation for five truckloads of relief goods. Then the trucks came immediately, and the disciples were so awed at the quick response that they asked Him, "Master, how did you do it?"

Jesus chuckled and said, "I have clout."

And they all ate and were filled, and they took up twelve baskets full of plastic wrappers and Styrofoam cups and table napkins. And James said, "Let us not throw away these. I can make teddy bears out of these Styrofoam cups."

Immediately, Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, while He sent the multitudes away.

And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on a mountain by Himself, checked if it was a WIFI hotspot, then checked his Friendster account on his laptop. And he was disappointed because some teenager flooded the bulletin posts by posting fifteen times some chain email about a woman called Mary that you have to send to many people or else you�ll die tonight. Jesus asked wisdom from the Father and the Father told him, "Unfriend that kid." So Jesus removed the kid from his list of friends.

Now, in the fourth watch of the night, Jesus came to the disciples on the boat, walking on the sea.

And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were amazed, saying, "Cool. Can you also do somersaults?"

Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Be of good cheer. Of course, I can somersault."

And Jesus did a somersault.

The disciples were doubly amazed, and they said, "Can you also spit through your front teeth?"

Jesus said, "Of course."

The disciples asked, "Like, as far as five strides?"

Jesus became annoyed, and said, "Of course, I can spit as far as five strides. And even farther." And Jesus spat through his front teeth, and hit somebody standing by the sea shore.

The disciples were amazed, and they all said, "Wow. That kicked ass."

But Peter said, "Master, I can also walk on water."

The disciples said, "Oh, shut up, Peter."
Peter said, "Seriously, I can." And Peter came off the boat to walk on water, but immediately, he sank like a rock. And Peter was gone.

And Jesus said, "From now on, let us remember Peter as 'Peter the Rock'."

And the disciples said, "Truly, you are wise, Master. 'Peter the Rock' sounds like a wrestler�s name, and only you can think of it, oh Son of God."

And Jesus, upon hearing it, just shrugged like he didn't care. After all, as far as he knew it, the only other creature that could walk on water was not even human; it was a lizard, a basilisk. But the disciples did not know it. So Jesus said, "Let's call it a day and let's go to a videoke bar. I hear they have this intriguing new contraption called 'Magic Sing'."

The disciples asked, "Master, can you sing 'My Way', too?"

Jesus was annoyed. He said, "All ye of little faith. Of course, I can sing that song. In fact, can do almost anything except chartered accountancy."

And right there standing on the sea, Jesus began singing Frank Sinatra's song.

by JBMAGNUS

listen to my head..

The poems do not
Want to be written
Because the poems
Want toWrite themselves.

Anecdotes about assholes
Robbing gas stations
While disguised as
Trees clad in Flannel.

These things come naturally
To the poems.
They cannot be extracted Like vanilla,
Or some other cooking product.


Fetus and phoenix Look the same
When mouthed.
If the world
Were mute,
We’d have all sorts of pregnant ladies
Talking about birds
And old ladies sporting binoculars
Getting in heated debates with abortion groups.

This is what poems would write
If poems could write themselves.

Poems would read their last words
Before they wrote their bodies
Or ate their vegetables.

We should all be poems
And write ourselves,
Write on ourselves,
Without word counts
Or line limits.
We should fill the pages
But not be filler.

This is what poems would write
If poems could write themselves.

This is what we would write
If we knew how to write ourselves.

Choices of an Inanimate Nature

The button on my pants
sought a better life
and ran away
to join the circus.
My button now helps
hold the big-top together
above three rings
and a thousand smiles.
In many ways my button and I
are the same
except its tent stays up
while my pants fall down.

out of boredom

ok..i might regret thisn or i may not.. but what the hell.. ill do it anyways...

went tru all my stuff earlier and found some pictures of me..

.. it's kinda funny... making my lent kinda ok na..

with my bro.. i think i was 1yr old and he was 3.. cute little buggers

a class picture (obviously)... i was in grade 4 here...

HIgh School...ok find me if you can..IM NOT THE FAT GUY! wana make sure of that..

college..long hair,white shirt and pair of torned jeans..

less than a month...

had the best, worst, interesting and a bit depressing 3 weeks of my life...

like i have my own roller coaster ride...

the ride is free..i think im still on it this very minute.. i want to get off now.. pleaseeeeee

the first part was pretty much nice... goin up and up.. higher and higher.. nice..

but the fall was a bit hard and damn fast.. i couldnt do anything but feel the weight of everything..

pain of losing someone.. hurt of seein my baby get sick.. feeling of bein betrayed by someone you trusted... and the weirdest thing i felt was the feeling of a broken heart..

before... i forgot the last time i cried.. really cried.. but the 3 weeks thought me to realize that i need it..or maybe unconciously i've been wanting to.. i need feel weak, accept that i cant be always strong emotionaly...

its ok to show weakness...
i cried 4 times within those weeks.... yah i counted...

first was just empathy..

second was for letting down a person who trusted me..

third was for my kid..

fourth was for a person..an angel for me and my mom.. but i guess God needs her more than we do up there to kick some ass..

now.. my ride is losing speed.. i guess around the corner there's an uphill or maybe a loop or two..


but for me.. im thru with the downside of life for the moment..


now im gona enjoy this friggin ride no matter what..

wuhoooooooooo!! my life sucks!! but the backgorund music kick assss!!!!

..

my mom called me this morning...

"hello.. mike..."
she paused for a while

"hi inay, whats up?"

she didnt answer back for a few seconds


"whats wrong?"
i asked...

"inda lina had an heart attack this morning, shes gone na..."
she answered with a heavy feeling, sad emotion or something..


i couldnt answer, dont know what to say..

"mike, its ok to cry"
she knows me well..

i knew i couldnt feel anything that time... i got numb..but i felt cold..

inda lina was the only good thing happened to my mom.. shes the only inlaw that truly loved her..and stayed beside my mom when we have problems with my dad..

she had this strong personality, she could make a cow meow just staring at its balls..but she always asked for a gift from me every xmas..but i always end up giving her money and a hug..

a hug..

thats my way of sayin "thank you"..

for all the things she did, for staying beside my mom when no body is willing to, for telling me to be strong always..

always...

always...

but i guess not now..

right now im showing emotions,

sadness..

"mike, its ok to cry"
she knows me well..


"i am mom"


"i am crying.. "




i hate talkin bout her in past tense..

...

i dont drink.. dont like the taste, hate the feeling it gives and i just dont like it.. period..

but for the couple of weeks.. ive been drinking.. a beer or two a night.. and i started comparing bein drunk and bein high.. i still prefer the later..

beer always acompanied by probs, saddness, anger, questions..etc.. etc

emotions that is reality..

bein high is a state where everything is amplified..all emotions.. all senses..

when im high.. i can hear the bass of a downbeat or in a heavytrance,i can hear people talk, i can feel a slightest touch, i can see clearly wether its real or jus the acid in the pill.. this is felt all the same time..
but after this, i am fine...i come back to my reality..

im not sayin im escaping my reality.. i dont have any reason to..

why am i comapring the two? i dono..

but right now.. i need them both badly..




im an artist:
I don’t have hobbies, I have obsessions.

im not a sponge...

ok man.. explaining the business is ok with me, but pls dont ask how or what or even when will a person gets a bonus.. i know its important but the part of my brain that process those infos are kinda out of wack.. meaning!! i get the idea but give me a break.. rather give me more time to know the difference...

right now 15%x300+2%xwatever=x is just 15%x300+2%xwatever=x to me..no more no less

pleaseeeeeeeeeeee....the creative team is loaded and i need to finish things...

understand that im a visual person.. sometimes, analytical..i analyse things in a different manner without numbers...


so.. can you please explain it again..

my personal meter

me·ter /ˈmitər/[mee-ter]–noun
an instrument for measuring, esp. one that automatically measures and records the quantity of something, as of gas, water, miles, or time, when it is activated.


my life has a meter, a happy meter. nice huh?...not really, its just here to make sure that i have a certain amount of happiness in my life.. a certain dose..

if i exceeded that dose.. it automatically send problems, situations, assholes and friggin stupid people to neutralise my happiness.. it usually send those things one at a time but this morning, i cant explain, but all was there this morning, saying good morning to my face with all their glory.

so im sorry if ill be mean, rude, be an ass or just a friggin bascket case today..i have a friggin happy meter up my ass.. so what do you expect?

personality! smertsonality! im poised..

Your Personality is Very Rare (ESTP)

Your personality type is dominant, driven, poised, and self-aware. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 6% of all menYou are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/">How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Workplace Farting: Options Explored

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking or a big lunch, the outcome is the same: Farts.

Seventy percent of the time, we can dispense freely. The other 30% of the time, such as at work, we have some tough decisions to make. This document is intended to help you in those decisions.

Holders - The obvious choice is just plain holding it in. A popular choice among the females and an almost impossible choice for males. I am not in favor of holding, as I believe the medical community has not done enough research about the long-term damage of holding. Really, where does it go if you hold it in? So be forewarned, using this tactic is to be done at your own risk.

Desk Jockey - When deciding to release right at your desk, one has many factors to consider:
- Do you have your own office? Feel free to fart at will risk free. After commencing, I highly recommend locking the door and feigning you are not in the office to avoid any unwanted visitors. I also highly recommend against spraying air freshener, as the smell of the freshener is a dead giveaway. Candles are a good alternative solution for the females.

- Are you seated at a cubicle or open desk? If so, one has to consider the proximity of the other workers and the density of workers in the area. If it is just you and one other person in the area, there is nowhere to place the blame. If others are fairly distant to you, the smell will dissipate by the time it reaches the others on all but the most egregious of days. There is always the chance of dispensing at higher decibels than anticipated due to the highly unstable nature of farts. In these most unfortunate situations, you will have to use cover up sounds such as scraping your heal on the floor. I recommend practicing making sounds covering a wide range of tones and pitches in anticipation of such an event. Dropping objects such as staplers, binders and tape may not produce a similar sound, but if done in rapid succession could distract others from the initial event.

Meetings: - Sometimes the urge strikes at the most inopportune time. Meetings and gas really do not mix. Releasing at a meeting is by far the trickiest of all the situations one could find oneself in. Although I am against holding in general, a meeting may be the time for it. It really depends if you have established baseline farts before the meeting. This will give you a sense of the decibel and scent level of what is to be expected. Warning: Do not ever use a meeting as the place to establish a baseline. Of course none of the above applies if you are meeting with vendors. You have free reign to do whatever you like.

Aisle Walker: - Releasing while walking around the office is a popular option. By the time the scent disseminates, you should be nowhere near the scene of the incident. The added benefit is that if the release is done at higher decibels than anticipated, you can break out into an all out sprint thereby fleeing the scene before others even look up to notice.
Broom Closet: - One option is to find a broom closet and release inside the closet. The only drawback is explaining why you were in the broom closet if you are caught entering or leaving the closet. I found stashing stationery supplies in the closet provides a nice excuse. People will love you for informing them about the backup stationery supply cabinet. Of course, you then have to find another closet, as your original place will become too risky.


And remember, if you're workplace has many open flames, you are on your own.

tired

Maybe this lack of words, for my part, is merely a result of being Unequivocally, Simply and Truly Tired.

But, of what? I haven’t done anything and I’m already tired of nothing. I want passion. I want it back.

I remember what it was like to be in love. Not just with a girl. Though, certainly, I have loved several times and sometimes, all at the same time. I used to be able to fall in love with a lip-shaped smudge on the mirror. Or, a perfectly made paper airplane that glides and flips and floats and lands with ease on the pavement under the sweltering sun. Or, a mathematical proof that started out ugly with square roots and exponents and powers of two and ten and five and fractions that could make my mother cry, but ended quaintly and promptly at x being equal to y over a rainbow, or something like that. Or the sway of a woman’s hips as she walks across a garden, sweat on her upper lip and her nape, her blushing child at her hip, sucking on a lollipop and humming her lullabies to himself. Her skin, you just know, would be yellow and purple at the bone where her babe had been nestling since birth. But there is no pain, only the comforting ache of presence. So beautiful. A woman’s body is the map of the universe. It was made to make loving easy.

Nothing was so ugly that it couldn’t teach you to love.

EVERYDAY UGLY

im really pissed right now..

F*CK YOU!!! CAN YOU PLEASEE MIND YOUR OWN FRIGGIN BUSINESS!!! IM DOIN MY JOB AND I KNOW I DO IT WELL!! SO STOP BOTHERING ME AND PLEASE TRY TO BE PRODUCTIVE!!!... DONT WASTE MY TIME WITH YOUR STUPID IDEAS!!! MAN, KIM MADE A MISTAKE HIRING YOU!! AND SHE ADMITTED IT!! EVERYDAY, I TRY TO ACCEPT MY EVERYDAY UGLY.. YOUR YOUR A BIG PART OF THAT.. I CAN ACCPET YOU AS A PERSON BUT NOT A FRIGGIN CO WORKER.. I HATE WORKING WITH YOU, I HAVENT HEARD ONE GOOD IDEA FROM YOU SINCE YOU CAME ON BOARD..YOUR JUNIORS ARE MORE EFFICIENT, MORE RELIABLE AND CREATIVE FOR THAT MATTER... WE HAD A CREATIVE BRAINSTORMING LAST MONTH BUT I DIDNT GET EVEN A DRIZZLE FROM YOU..PLEASE JUST ADMIT AND DONT PRETEND YOU KNOW..

AND PLEASE, THE NEXT TIME YOU'LLE GIVE ME A JO. DONT!! GIVE IT TO YOUR JUNIORS AND THEY'LL BE THE ONE WHO WILL EXPLAIN IT TO ME...COZ YOU DONT KNOW HOW!!

AND DONT YOU EVER QUESTION ME IF I CAN DO WHAT YOUR REQUESTING.. COZ YOU DONT HAVE THE FUCKIN RIGHT.. YOU CANT EVEN DO YOUR JOB..

AND LAST REQUEST... DONT EVER TALK TO ME ON MONDAYS AND EVRYTIME I COME-IN AT THE OFFICE IN THE MORNING.. DONT YOU NOTICE THAT I IGNORE AND PRETEND THAT YOUR NOT THERE?

PLEASEEEEE!!!!LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

steven

this is steven.

he is homeless.

he has the kindest most radiant soul you can imagine.

he loves seattle, LA and chicago.he dislikes san diego.he reads anne rice, adores michelangelo andlikes to visit museums.(he had me at michelangelo)

.he says most everyone is nice to himand only about 1 in 100 peopleare assholes.

that's not too shoddy.stories.sit down with someone like steveand swap stories.

it will change who you are.

~~~~~~~

it did for me

gift

got a nice gift from someone tiny, round and cute....

red said "daddy" na..

well i didnt hear it but his nanny told me...

before i left the house, i made him a bottle of milk, after drinking half of it.. he started talking.. not exact words but baby talk... and i started talkin back..

a conversation with my kid.. hhhmmmm.. felt really nice..

really nice

....

would you persue something yournot sure you gona get or have just because it felt right and you felt a love much stronger than anything in this world?...

you gona lose a big part of your soul by doin this..
would you?


i did.. and i lost not only a part of my soul but also 5 years of my life....

with all the pain felt...
all sad emotions showed..
all the dissapointments i gave to the people who love me coz of what i did..
every waking hours.. it felt like hell.. but colder..

this was accepted with open arms..

coz of one thing..

that smile

i feel..

lately ive been in a depressed mood..in which i constatntly question things..myself, my life, my work, and my attitude towards everything and everyone..

this is my reality check..

i might get the answer or i may not..

but after this state.. im a new person..


but usally i dont..

hhmmmm.. but im getting use to this shit..

forgotten..forgetting..

she was just the same age as he was..

when she smiles, a dimple below her left eye appears..

she was wearing a pendant.. silver and with a cross..
blue denim jeans, sneakers, a white blouse..

and that smile..

that smile will be the end of him..but hoping for a beginning..

people passes by.. his classmates, friends and even professors..
no one is more significant than that smile..

"are you allowed to have that long hair?" she asked..

"No, but im thinking of cutting it short.. what you think?"
asking if she aware of him.. or maybe intrested..

"hmm.. i dont mind the hair.. kinda gives an attitude or something..your an artist, you can get away with it.."
maybe she's tryin to be polite sayin those things... but man it did made his day..

"ok"
an answer with a smile.. but with that smile, he prayed he dont have any thing stuck in his teeth..

"so your boyfriend is taking up what course?"
a question meant to know if she has one or a chance to go on the second notch and let her know that it was not the last day she gona see him..

"Business management, we're in the same school...."
heaven and earth fell upon him, the ground swallowed him whole..

"wow, nice, cool"
stupid answer..

but he forgot, he was a personal joke of fate..

"but im thinking of breaking up with him...maybe this school year" she told him with a sad face..

"sorry to hear that, maybe you should give him a chance"
he nearly slap his face and shout coz of all the things he can say, why the hell he ask for that friggin idiot to have another chance with the girl of his dream..

"nevermind, lets not talk bout that.. wana have a snack?" he quickly changed topic...



"sure, your treat..."


thank God for tuition money..

forgotten..

maybe not..

she made me like this..

i dont mind learning to feel pain at an early age, i dont mind ruining my life coz i fell hard, i dont mind bein alone..

but i do deny things i cant control.

i wish you were rude to me.. but you talked to me for an hour..
i wish you didnt smile at me.. but you laughed like a child to my silly and corny jokes..
i wish you're ugly.. but your skin.. pale,white, angelic...
i wish you didnt hold my hand inside the elevator coz you got scared coz its old and noisy.. but your hand felt as if you knew me and you trusted me..

that was the first time i really loved someone.. but all i know bout you is your name and you are a friend of a friend..

i dont think you noticed that you took something..

my soul..

########

he always wakes up early..openning his mom's furniture shop..didnt mind lifting things.. sofas, chairs, beds and tables.... thats his workout..or maybe just earning his keeps.. after that, he went upstairs and got ready for his enrollment.. 2nd year now.. Bachelor of Fine Arts majoring in Advertising.. he love what he was takin, not his first choice but he find peace and expression doin stuff..

he always wear his old torned pair of jeans.. white shirts and sandals.. he belonged to a group of student who had their hair grew long.. 5'10" 150lbs, fair skin.. people always stare at him.. looking.. thinking.. admiring? he doesnt care..

theres no traffic, the commute was fast.. got too early..he headed straight to his building..
took the stairs coz the old slow dirty box they so called elevator was out of order again.. half the school year it was..

7 floors.. 3 mins he took to reach his room..

the first thing he saw was two girls talking.. one was familliar and one was a face smilling..

he said hi..and she responded with a grin.. he was suprised.. was so cute.. he pulled a chair and started askin stuff but always trying to find words.. hes not really a talker.. he always prefer silence but that time he wants to converse, listen, ask and joke..

he felt nice..

his friend ask if he doesnt mind staying with deenah for a moment..she'll just enroll and be back after an hour.. he answered with a smile and thought that it wouldnt hurt to enroll the next day..


life was gettin better.. he thougth..

listen to my mind

i am calm today..

got in at 7:30 and did some personal things..

weekend was still a working day for me..

my mind is out right now.. just stepped outside

still thinking of getting a canon camera...

looking for diane arbus's work..

im gona accept my everyday ugly..

why am i writing like this..

when your dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardess part..

Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship, never..

Call me what you want, but I sincerely refuse to believe that 'no' is not the answer

my words are cold and flat.. you deserve more...

Like somehow, you weren’t meant to win this game...

Being a sentimental, optimistic, bastard can work both ways. ..


"sometimes the last thing you want come's in first.. sometimes..the first thing you want never comes.. but i know waiting is all that i can do.."

i just dont know when to stop.

peace man!

stress is a state of mind...
pressure is a state you need to be in, to be good on what you are doin...


just a thought.....




I have words to say to you my friend..Is it hard to know what’s right from wrong...Have you ever felt your life so self assured..You don’t know the things that you’ve done wrong
And then we’ll say..We’ll rip out our covers..Shake the walls until they break..I’ll hold out my hand to you..

Supreme love and respect


Peace man!